Here's My Heart.

These past few months have been crazy for me. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed. I’ve smiled. I’ve worried. I’ve sung. I’ve struggled. I’ve rejoiced. I’ve sifted through feelings and focused on truths. I’ve felt alone. I’ve felt surrounded. I’m embarking on a new adventure here. One I’m thrilled about, and one I’m scared about. I don’t know how to be a wife. I have all these ideals of what I want to be and it seems so big. I see faithful wives around me and I want to be like them. I want a love like 1 Corinthians 13. I want to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. I want that love to never fail.  I want to be a helper who is strong and steady for when my husband doesn’t feel strong. I want to be full of wisdom and grace. I have idolized what it is to be a wife at times. Having a statue of something glorious in my mind. It’s a worthy calling, it truly is. But it’s not worthy to be worshipped. (Wo)man’s chief end is not to glorify wifehood and enjoy it forever (for those of you who grew up learning the Westminster Shorter Catechism). We can worship anything for that matter….kids, school, singleness, work, church, family, friends. These things in and of themselves are not what we live for. They are all part of our lives and a part of who we are. In living out these callings there is an intermingling of unique gifts and abilities God has given us to serve in these areas, but they are not our “chief end”. In recently listening to a sermon preached by Brad Bigney (author of Gospel Treason) I heard repeated, “An idol is anyone or anything that begins to capture our hearts, minds, and affections more than God.” My heart. My mind. My affections. How utterly consuming! That’s all of me. Oh how easily I let these idols build in my heart. It seems as though my heart is filled with hundreds of little factory workers anxious to meet a deadline, so they are working as fast as they can, scurrying around in my heart. However in the end I have myself to blame. My passions, my desires. If I am not vigilant I will let desires and passions capture this heart of mine. It’s a daily struggle. A daily reminder of my need to preach the truths of Scripture to my heart, to be on my knees before the Lord, to say, “here’s my heart, Lord. Take and seal it.” I am comforted. I am comforted that “he who began the good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” I’m thankful he doesn’t leave me in pursuit of these idols, but he stops me and shows me my sin, and lavishes me with grace. So what is my chief end? “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” When I pursue my idol of an ideal wife, a daughter, a co-worker for my own good I am met with disappointment because I meet failure. When I pursue the Lord, I find joy because in him are deep waters of grace and strength.  It is in His grace and strength that I am able to be what he has called me to be. His perfection covers my imperfections. His grace is sufficient for me. His power made perfect in weakness. In pursuing him, in his presence, there is fullness of joy.

Knowing Him and Making Him Known

On Monday evening, many of us were surprised to hear about the death of Robin Williams. The Facebook posts, articles, tweets, etc, that followed likely stemmed many thoughts.

For me, I found myself saddened by the state of this world, convicted by my lack of diligence to share the truth, and reminded of the hope found in the Savior.

So often, we get caught up in our routines. Clock in, clock out. Church on Sunday. Bible study on Thursday. Clean the kitchen. Fold the clothes. And I think, when we're truly honest, our focus is so often not on glorifying the Lord, especially in the mundane routines of our daily lives.

Things hit home for me this week. On Monday, I was hit with the realization that people around me may be deeply struggling with anger, depression, and are often clinging tightly to the sin that continues to destroy them. In my pride, I grow frustrated with people and I fail to show grace. Some of these thoughts began whirling through my mind and I soon heard of Robin Williams' apparent suicide.

What is holding me back from sharing truth today?

It's as if I am surrounded by people drowning in the sea, and I'm in a boat filled with life preservers. Why am I not more diligent in sharing the truth that saves souls? Now, I'm not trying to say that God is not sovereign in these situations, because He surely is. We have a responsibility we often fail at, and He's sovereign even in our failures. But this is no excuse to not even try. We have a great responsibility.

I have heard many a comments this week... Some that have invoked a deep sadness inside of me for the lost souls around me. Just goes to show that money can't buy happiness. Yes, but you've still got it all wrong. Living for yourself can't buy that either. Not family, not friends, not "good works," not a house or a husband or kids or anything this world has to offer.

Can you imagine getting to the end of your life and the biggest thing people have to say about you is that you made people laugh? What about those empty words we hear uttered in regards to death in a non-believing community? He loved football, loved to make people laugh, he loved country music, and he loved his mamma's cheeseburgers. These are the things that people live for. There's nothing inherently sinful about sports or laughing or music or food... But these kinds of things are the things the world grows consumed with.

I've heard and read a lot of comments this week. Many of them seem to be filled with pieces of truth, yet they're missing the main point. Surrendering our hearts and our lives to Christ is truly the only way to find true hope and joy in this life. No, money can't buy happiness. That is evident all over our culture. Yes, Robin Williams made many people laugh. I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that I know the state of his soul, but I can say this... What value does any earthly achievement have at the end of a life? And this continues to hit home in my heart because I am surrounded (as many of you probably are) with people pursuing success and pursuing a great name in the eyes of the world (and these temptations are still there for believers, including myself). And I see them continuing to feel empty. And here I am, filled with hope, and often keeping it to myself. I often miss the opportunities in front of my face. I quickly fear man. But truly, what can man do to me? God is so kind to show us our hearts, to forgive us, to teach us, and to grow us.

Am I ready to give an answer when they ask about the hope that is within me? Do they see me living a life characterized by the fruits of the Spirit? Am I sharing these truths when given the opportunity, and praying for more opportunities? Am I caring for their souls? Is my greatest desire to know Christ and to see Christ formed in people?

Hope that lifts me from despair, love that casts out ev'ry fear, 
As I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word. 
Not forsaken, not alone, for the Comforter has come, 
And I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word. 
Grace sufficient, grace for me, 
Grace for all who will believe— 
We will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

- Getty and Townend

Our hope is found in the truths in His word. This is the hope that a dying world is searching for in everything but Christ and His word. Let us continually be examining our hearts, desiring to know Christ, and desiring to make Him known. That is what this life is about. Knowing Him and making Him known.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26 ESV)

Kindness

The Lord has been gracious to allow me to be a stay at home to my four little kiddos. I love my job and can't imagine doing anything else. My days are full of cooking, doing laundry, cleaning up messes, and teaching my children to be loving and kind. It seems that kindness is a never ending theme in our home. I have the privilege of training, rebuking, and correcting their little hearts and pointing them to Christ while showing them their need for the Gospel. So, we are always talking about how we are to be kind to one another. It always amazes me at how early our sin nature shows itself and how we are born to be naturally self absorbed and think only about what we want. Lately I have been more convicted at ways that I also do not show kindness. It is easy to see that when a child doesn't want to share a toy that he is not being kind, but what about all the ways I am unkind when I loose my patience or give a short response all because things are not going my way.

In Titus 2 we see that the older women are to teach the younger women to be kind. This quality is essential for us to commend the gospel in our homes and through our lives. Jerry Bridges says that kindness "is a sincere desire for the happiness of others. After observing my own life there are three sins that usually hinder this godly desire: anger, bitterness, and judging,

We are always talking about what's in our hearts with the children. Our expressions of anger reveal the sin that is in our heart. We so often want our own way and not God's, and when we can't have our own way we become angry. I realize this is not only something that my three old struggles with but I do too. So many times I want things done my way and when things don't seem to be going that way I get angry thus revealing what is in my heart. Matthew 5:18 says, "what comes out of the heart proceeds from the heart". Whether I want  a clean and orderly house or a few minutes of peace I am propelled to anger when I do not get my way. I must humble myself and submit to God and confess and repent of my sin. Only God can help us turn from anger and cultivate kindness in our hearts.

Hurt feelings are another thing that we talk about a lot in our home. When we are hurt by someone elses sin it can lead to bitterness towards that person if we are not careful. When we replay the offenders wrong in our lives and become withdrawn and fall into self-pity then chances are we have succumb to bitterness. We have to remember to forgive others in the same way Christ forgave you. As we look to Christ we will be able to grant forgiveness and kindness to others.

Lastly, we need to be careful to not judge others motives. Sometimes it is so easy to assume we know the reason behind why someone treated us the way that they did. We can be so inclined to look for the worst in others. Instead of looking for the faults in others we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us make loving judgments of others. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. We shouldn't ignore sin in others lives but we shouldn't assume they are sinning until there is solid evidence.

So as we seek to be kind to others remember it is the Lord who sees our efforts and whether or not it is noticed by others we do it to glorify Christ. I pray the the Lord would give me a heart that is kind to others and it is not prone to anger, bitterness, or judging others. Life is so much sweeter when we show kindness. I want my life to be marked by one of kindness and to set the example for my children.

What is a way that you can show kindness to someone else today?

Love,
Brooke

Renewed Joy in the Lord: An Update

Dear Sister,

Every season of life will bring the temptation to doubt and wonder how God will work and move in your life to somehow bring about his plan. As I shared with you in my last post, sometimes I struggle to trust God with his timing to grow me. Yet, he promises to complete the work that he has begun in each one of his children (Philippians 1:6). After all, his will is to grow us in Christ-likeness for his glory and our good.

Day to day, however, it is difficult to remember the big picture of God's loving plan to grow us in his wise and careful discipline. In the moment of trial, no matter how big or small, it is hard to not be so overwhelmed with the frustration and inconvenience to rejoice that the Lord will lovingly use each situation for our good and growth in Him.

I have been in a season that I have seen little growth and purpose coming from various difficult situations.  Yet, God has been so kind to give me little glimpses of his work on me and through me. Even this summer, while serving in Croatia in various ministries, I have often been discouraged that perhaps my time here has been wasted and that I will never see good results from my days here. I have been burdened by personal sin as well as just feeling dry and empty. In these last couple of months though God has been so kind and gracious to continue to show me how He has grown me.

Psalm 42:1-8

As a deer pants for flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God.

When shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my food

day and night,

while they say to me all the day long,

“Where is your God?”

These things I remember,

as I pour out my soul:

how I would go with the throng

and lead them in procession to the house of God

with glad shouts and songs of praise,

a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation 6 and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;

therefore I remember you

from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,

from Mount Mizar.

 Deep calls to deep

at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

have gone over me.

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.

This past week, I participated in a camp hosted by several like-minded Baptist churches in Croatia. Each year they preach through one book of the Bible through evening sermons and morning small groups, and this year they just so happened to be studying through Philippians.

For the past two years, Paul's letter to the Philippians has been an encouragement to me to fight for the joy and the contentment found in Christ alone in every circumstance. I have read this epistle countless times and have even committed chapters to memory.  Still, I am learning from the depths of this small portion of God's bountiful Word.

When I first arrived, I felt defeated, weak, and so very alone. I was the only native English speaker there at the time (two other Americans and an Irish family would come later for a few days). Yet again, God had given me the opportunity to experience weakness in a new way. This time, I was feeling my vulnerability and dependence on God to persevere as a lone single girl among a sea of people communicating in a language I still struggle to engage in. It had been more than two months since arriving in Croatia, and now here I was alone without the missionary family I had grown to love (the girls had already traveled to the States for a brief furlough) and without many of my English speaking Croatian friends (they would arrive a few days later).  Here I was living life with mostly unfamiliar people speaking rapid Croatian camping in a tent on an island off the coast of a foreign country... Basically, the perfect recipe for isolation and homesickness to settle in.

As the days went on, I began to feel less homesick, settled in to the routine of the camp, and welcomed the company of  familiar friends... but it was the messages and the Croatian brothers and sisters around me that led to the greatest joy. Faithful pastors preached and lived out the message of true joy taught in Philippians.

Surrounding me were so many examples of joy that can only be found in the Lord.I met a gypsy girl who was ridiculed by her community for accepting Jesus, but is so full of joy in the Lord that she can't help but sing praise songs wherever she goes. I heard the story of a pastor's faithful brother who lost his wife suddenly to cancer, but still sang praises with joy knowing his wife and mother of their two children is resting safely with the Lord. I saw a dear friend cry tears of joy as she began to realize anew the surpassing worth and undeserved blessing of knowing Christ though she still battles daily against a crippling muscular disease. God also blessed me with several conversations that I know would not have been so rich and encouraging had I not been learning and growing these past two years, as I studied Philippians and walked through the daily struggles of life.

God used this past week to open my eyes to see not only how God has fulfilled his promise to use the comfort I have found in Him to comfort others, but also how God has been working to grow me through the daily fight for joy in him. Somehow, the experience this past week even open my eyes to see this whole summer and the past two years in a different light. Now I see more clearly that I am not the same girl who I used to be. God has changed me and will continue to chisel away at me, even if in the moment I can't recognize the outcome of all the pain and broken pieces of my life coming together and shaping me for my good.

To see in so many ways that God has indeed changed and grown me over the past 6 years of Christian life and even in these past 3 months has been such a refreshing blessing. God is renewing the joy of my salvation, and I am seeing anew that I cannot rest on shaky feelings and my own perspective of what God is doing in my life. In the moment, you rarely see how God is at work, but maybe two years down the line He will show you God is working even now to shape you more into the image of Christ through the daily struggles of life. So if you are struggling for joy and contentment wherever God has you, if you are tempted to believe that maybe God has left you or that you are too much a of a mess for God to change you, keep striving toward the Lord and seeking to follow him faithfully. Engage your fears and failures with the truth of the Gospel. There is joy to be found.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

my flesh also dwells secure.

 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:9-11

With love,

Michaela

Com·mu·ni·ca·tion

                Recently, you could say communication has been on the brain. It has been the topic of conversation amongst friends and especially pre-marital counseling! Biblical communication is vital, not only because what we say and how we say it play a crucial role in our relationships, but because God designed us and expects us to communicate in a way that pleases Him. Reading books about effective communication between individuals has made me realize what a long road I have to work on this, especially in preparing for marriage. The Lord has been so gracious thus far with me in this area of communication! I read a quote recently saying that, “10% of marital strife is due to disagreement and the other 90% is due to tone of voice.”

….reading this makes me cringe. BIG time! How convicted I am when I think about the things I say sometimes in a distasteful tone (or sarcastic tone!). How many arguments and hurt feelings I could have avoided if I had spoken in a loving way by putting others before myself as the Lords commands.

 

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Philippians 2.3

Considering the fact that God could have chosen a multitude of ways for us to communicate with Him and each other, He chose our primary way of communicating to be the use of words! How important they are to Him and so how much more important they should be to me! I’ve realized just how, in our sin, we abuse communication for our own glory. Sometimes we “undertalk” by avoiding conversations with others because we are fearful, selfish, tired, too busy, or the topic (we feel) puts us in a place of inferiority…aka pride! Or we “overtalk” by means of gossip, nagging, taking over a conversation, being defensive, and well…the list could go on! In all of these areas we must constantly bring our minds back to the Truth about what God says about our words.

  “With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor . . .”

Proverbs 11.9

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 15.1
 

“A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.”

Proverbs 15.4

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Proverbs 16.24

 

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Proverbs 18.21

 

 

Some people seem to be better communicators than others. While that may be true to some degree, we all must realize that communication is a learned behavior and requires growth just like every other area in our Christian lives. It takes work to communicate in a God honoring way! Sometimes I struggle with communicating the wrong things (or what I should not be communicating). On the other hand, I also struggle with failing to communicate the right things (or things that I should be communicating)….verbally (my words and tone) as well as non-verbally (my actions).  I’m so thankful that the Lord didn’t just leave us to figure it out on our own. He gave us His Word to live by; to realize that Biblical communication begins with a commitment to speaking the truth and allowing God’s Word to impact not only what a person communicates, but how a person communicates.

 

This topic of communication has encouraged me greatly to pursue and practice it Biblically!

 

In Christ,

Tiffany

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

           

Dreaming Smaller

When I was younger, I knew I was destined for something important. I was going to revolutionize whatever youth group I was in. I was going to leave the country for years at a time to preach the gospel to people whose language I didn’t speak (but I would surely be fluent in by the time I got home). I was going to be the next C. S. Lewis, and I have the Narnia fan fiction to prove it. My life was going to be exciting. It was going to be flashy.

Obviously, my life did not go in that direction.

So far, while writing this, I’ve had to put my son down for a nap (always a battle), feed him when he woke up, put him in his bouncer so he’d get some exercise, start the dishes, start the laundry, get my screaming son back out of the bouncer, console him and his hurting teeth (teething is not fun. Poor dude), set up a safe area for him to play on the floor, and separate him and the cat several dozen times. And that’s just in the last few hours.

What I’m saying is this: I’m not great at time management. I’m not a wonderful housekeeper or cook or laundry maid. I need to take extra time to complete these tasks and complete them well.  I wasn’t good at these things before I got married. I didn’t get much better at these things before my son was born. My progress has been slow and never steady. However, this Is my ministry. Right now, in this place in life, I need to be a good steward of my home, try and help David in any way I can, and spend time with Anderson, teaching him about the Lord as well as how to sit up without support or incorporate consonants into his gurgling. It’s not a flashy ministry, and I need to learn to be ok with that.  

I’m learning to be content. My ministry is small and simple, and centered around one 6 month old most days, but it’s where I am at right now. The Lord has given me exactly as much as I can handle. I’ve known people who have participated in the sort of ministry opportunities I dreamed of as a teenager, but they did them well and they did not seek the approval of man like I would have in their situation. I, right now, can’t handle anything flashy. It would make me more prideful. It would fuel my need to be noticed and admired by other people. It wouldn’t be good for me. The simplicity of my life is a gracious gift.

And, on those days when I wonder if my ministry even qualifies as that, I am reminded of Timothy’s mother. She is briefly mentioned in 2 Timothy 1:5:

“I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.”

Paul celebrates the legacy of Timothy’s mother. Timothy’s father was Greek. He probably didn’t know the Scriptures. It was up to Timothy’s mother and grandmother to teach him about the Lord, and the Lord used their ministry to bring Timothy to a saving faith. Timothy did great things for the Lord.

So, that’s where my greatest achievement might be. It might be one of my kids (no pressure). Or a sibling. Or one of a million other tiny things I don’t have the eternal perspective to understand. I doubt Lois or Eunice understood what the Lord was using them for fully in their lifetimes either, but they were faithful with what little the Lord had given them, and so must I be.  

A Discussion on Life, Laundry, and the Pursuit of Godliness

                Any decent, self-respecting two-year-old will tell you the nagging question that occupies the majority of their Whole. Entire. Life.

                ”Why is the sky blue, Mom?”

                “Because God made it that way…”

                “Why?”

                “Because.”

                “Because why?”

While I try to NOT act like I’m two, I’ve been asking the same question. “Why?” Why do I do what I do? Why do I not do what I’m supposed to do?

Pastor Shane’s recent message on Romans 12, “The Attitudes that Energize our Faith” blew my mind. I may have teethed on pews, but I felt like I had never heard those truths before. Yes, I know what I’m supposed to do – I’m supposed to love the Lord and my family and my church. But how? Why?

So often, I wash dishes and fold laundry because I know what I’m supposed to do. I hate going to the grocery store and put it off until the point where I am eating stale pretzels and chocolate chips to survive. I scrub pink slime from shower floors because it embarrasses me as a human being – and for that reason only. I’m supposed to be Mrs. Titus 2: working at home, loving my husband and children (by bleaching pink slime to death), and throwing in epic amounts of Proverbs 31 industry and charity on the side. But how can I do all that when I don’t even want to get off of the couch?

                By sacrifice – as Romans 12:1-2 instructs me, calling me to daily present my life as a living sacrifice. As our pastor put it, I need to be getting up each day and having the urgent reminder that my life belongs to God. That is it. End of story. As Galatians 5:20 reminds me, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave His son up for me.” I only have the freedom to do God's will and serve Him.

                By humility – not wishing that I had a maid to do all my work for me, but having a realistic understanding of what I deserve. My Lord was born in a barn and did not have a place to lay his head or somewhere to call home. He washed feet and was a Man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. Why do I think I deserve to be waited on hand and foot? Is the servant greater than her Master? The truth is that there is no task “beneath me.” I should instead be motivated because I’m grateful that my Lord loved me when I was unlovely, despicable, and hateful toward Him.

                By faith – doing the will of God outside of my comfort zone. I cannot believe the lie that tempts me to think that serving God should be easy and fit within my personality/schedule/favorite color palette. If I can rely on myself in my “service” to God, it ceases to be service and becomes self-worship. Another temptation for me is to put myself out there grudgingly, but Romans 12 tells us to exercise our gifts with attributes like “Diligence,” “Cheerfulness,” and “Liberality.”

                By love – Love that comes from God and is not generated by human emotion. It does not experience ebbs and rises, but stands, rooted firmly in truth. I struggle here, so much and so often. The Romans 12 love, the energizing attitude, shows me how I ought to be: “ Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.” Rom. 12:9-13. As I pursue godliness, I will be able to do this - knowing that I love because God first loved me.

               So this is how it’s done, folks. Here is why I need to do dishes and match socks and wrestle with new recipes. What about you? Where do you see your need for these attitudes in your life?