Here's My Heart.

These past few months have been crazy for me. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed. I’ve smiled. I’ve worried. I’ve sung. I’ve struggled. I’ve rejoiced. I’ve sifted through feelings and focused on truths. I’ve felt alone. I’ve felt surrounded. I’m embarking on a new adventure here. One I’m thrilled about, and one I’m scared about. I don’t know how to be a wife. I have all these ideals of what I want to be and it seems so big. I see faithful wives around me and I want to be like them. I want a love like 1 Corinthians 13. I want to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. I want that love to never fail.  I want to be a helper who is strong and steady for when my husband doesn’t feel strong. I want to be full of wisdom and grace. I have idolized what it is to be a wife at times. Having a statue of something glorious in my mind. It’s a worthy calling, it truly is. But it’s not worthy to be worshipped. (Wo)man’s chief end is not to glorify wifehood and enjoy it forever (for those of you who grew up learning the Westminster Shorter Catechism). We can worship anything for that matter….kids, school, singleness, work, church, family, friends. These things in and of themselves are not what we live for. They are all part of our lives and a part of who we are. In living out these callings there is an intermingling of unique gifts and abilities God has given us to serve in these areas, but they are not our “chief end”. In recently listening to a sermon preached by Brad Bigney (author of Gospel Treason) I heard repeated, “An idol is anyone or anything that begins to capture our hearts, minds, and affections more than God.” My heart. My mind. My affections. How utterly consuming! That’s all of me. Oh how easily I let these idols build in my heart. It seems as though my heart is filled with hundreds of little factory workers anxious to meet a deadline, so they are working as fast as they can, scurrying around in my heart. However in the end I have myself to blame. My passions, my desires. If I am not vigilant I will let desires and passions capture this heart of mine. It’s a daily struggle. A daily reminder of my need to preach the truths of Scripture to my heart, to be on my knees before the Lord, to say, “here’s my heart, Lord. Take and seal it.” I am comforted. I am comforted that “he who began the good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” I’m thankful he doesn’t leave me in pursuit of these idols, but he stops me and shows me my sin, and lavishes me with grace. So what is my chief end? “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” When I pursue my idol of an ideal wife, a daughter, a co-worker for my own good I am met with disappointment because I meet failure. When I pursue the Lord, I find joy because in him are deep waters of grace and strength.  It is in His grace and strength that I am able to be what he has called me to be. His perfection covers my imperfections. His grace is sufficient for me. His power made perfect in weakness. In pursuing him, in his presence, there is fullness of joy.