Dreaming Smaller

When I was younger, I knew I was destined for something important. I was going to revolutionize whatever youth group I was in. I was going to leave the country for years at a time to preach the gospel to people whose language I didn’t speak (but I would surely be fluent in by the time I got home). I was going to be the next C. S. Lewis, and I have the Narnia fan fiction to prove it. My life was going to be exciting. It was going to be flashy.

Obviously, my life did not go in that direction.

So far, while writing this, I’ve had to put my son down for a nap (always a battle), feed him when he woke up, put him in his bouncer so he’d get some exercise, start the dishes, start the laundry, get my screaming son back out of the bouncer, console him and his hurting teeth (teething is not fun. Poor dude), set up a safe area for him to play on the floor, and separate him and the cat several dozen times. And that’s just in the last few hours.

What I’m saying is this: I’m not great at time management. I’m not a wonderful housekeeper or cook or laundry maid. I need to take extra time to complete these tasks and complete them well.  I wasn’t good at these things before I got married. I didn’t get much better at these things before my son was born. My progress has been slow and never steady. However, this Is my ministry. Right now, in this place in life, I need to be a good steward of my home, try and help David in any way I can, and spend time with Anderson, teaching him about the Lord as well as how to sit up without support or incorporate consonants into his gurgling. It’s not a flashy ministry, and I need to learn to be ok with that.  

I’m learning to be content. My ministry is small and simple, and centered around one 6 month old most days, but it’s where I am at right now. The Lord has given me exactly as much as I can handle. I’ve known people who have participated in the sort of ministry opportunities I dreamed of as a teenager, but they did them well and they did not seek the approval of man like I would have in their situation. I, right now, can’t handle anything flashy. It would make me more prideful. It would fuel my need to be noticed and admired by other people. It wouldn’t be good for me. The simplicity of my life is a gracious gift.

And, on those days when I wonder if my ministry even qualifies as that, I am reminded of Timothy’s mother. She is briefly mentioned in 2 Timothy 1:5:

“I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.”

Paul celebrates the legacy of Timothy’s mother. Timothy’s father was Greek. He probably didn’t know the Scriptures. It was up to Timothy’s mother and grandmother to teach him about the Lord, and the Lord used their ministry to bring Timothy to a saving faith. Timothy did great things for the Lord.

So, that’s where my greatest achievement might be. It might be one of my kids (no pressure). Or a sibling. Or one of a million other tiny things I don’t have the eternal perspective to understand. I doubt Lois or Eunice understood what the Lord was using them for fully in their lifetimes either, but they were faithful with what little the Lord had given them, and so must I be.