We forgive because He forgave us.

If you had asked me 2 years ago, I would have told you I considered myself a forgiving person. I had never had difficulty in that area of my relationships with people. Lots happened that aggravated me or frustrated me or even hurt me, but I always could just let go and move on with life. I was also never very good at remembering people's slights against me, this came in handy with the forgiving bit, if I couldn't remember than I had gotten over it and forgiven them!  However, that was before God showed me what true forgiveness took and how long and difficult that road can really be. I had this friend you see that for whatever the reason made a choice that effected our little group of friends. Now because of the fact that I am speaking of God's dealings with me in this matter and how He has brought me through it, no names or even the scenario will be talked about, that is not the purpose of this. The point is that I had let someone in and trusted them and then everything got turned around and blew up. I figured out very quickly that I had no idea what forgiveness was or how to even go about giving it. I had been extremely sheltered in this department due to the fact that I was in my 20's and was having panic attacks because I had no idea how to deal with this, that was weird right? I would break down and just cry and feel weak and helpless and when I encountered this person in public, if will power could have created it, I would have turned invisible. However, over a couple of months, my weakness rapidly turned to hatred and bitterness. This slithering, sneaky, wretch of a thing had awoken inside of me and I enjoyed the power I thought it gave me. I thought I was the powerful one now and my thoughts turned to how I would show this person EXACTLY what they had done to me, after all it was what they deserved....looking back that was a scary place and not one I want to go back too. It was at this point that God started to show me exactly what it costs to forgive someone horrible and black hearted, a person who is devious and sinful and would throw you to the sharks on a whim because it seemed fun...what it cost to forgive me. You see we never see ourselves as this horrible person, the person who hurt us "how could they be so awful?". We are that person, and what is cost God to forgive us, is the price of forgiveness for all of us.  

"I have been crucified with Christ who lives. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me..." Galatians 2.20

God's timing is infinity perfect, always. It is never early or late, or screeching in on 2 wheels because it made it just in the nick of time. Everything that happens to us has been filtered through His hand centuries past, so it comes to us for our sanctification and His glory. Chris and I had been dating maybe a year 1/2, enough time so that we were comfortable with each other and knew each other well enough that things couldn't just sneak past. Which brings me to the next part of this story;
The Intervention.
Even though I was sure I was better than James Bond himself at keeping this secret, the love of this strong man and the Spirit moving inside both of us told him something wasn't right about his girl, and he started to dig. The digging awakened the brother of my snarling friend; defensiveness. I assured him that all was well and I was over it and moving on with life. However, he didn't buy it and kept digging. That was when the real work started. After months of building anger and bitterness, feeding it, letting it fester and infect me, the weed wasn't going to come easily.  Through prayer and hours and hours of tears, rantings, and more defensiveness. He finally broke through my wall and I realized that I had not at all forgiven this person, I merely buried it and called the job done. Chris quoted verse after verse, at first it stung so I did not want to hear it, but after a while it became balm that protected and soothed the aches I had been letting go far too long. 

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28 

There were lots of other people that talked and walked me through this time as well; parents, friends, co-workers. They were all there, encouraging me, loving on me, just being there with laughter and warm hugs. Looking back, the struggle seems so far away and fuzzy. It couldn't have been that bad...oh but it was. I imagine that is the grace of God that when we look back the pain is still there, no, He doesn't take it away, but we look back through rose colored glasses seeing the good work He has done through us and how far we have come. 
Having realized I needed to work on some things in my life, where was I to look for examples of forgiveness? I am ashamed to say it took me a lot longer than it should have to go to God's word. But when I did, oh the treasure it was; a convicting, heavy treasure, but filled with gold nonetheless. 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 

The picture that God was drawing for me was still not complete and it has taken me a long time to put the pieces together, but because I had confessed openly that I was struggling with this, I could now approach the throne of Christ and work through this with prayer. I love this verse, telling me that no matter what the issue I needed to go to the throne in prayer and the promise is that I will receive grace and mercy to help my need. But grace and mercy for what? Surely God doesn't lavish the great gifts upon me for me to hoard and keep. Can you even hoard grace? I didn't realize it yet, but Christ was giving me grace and mercy for my need...MY NEED. So that my cup of hurt could be filled and in return I could give grace and mercy to that person, because I NEEDED TO. But there is more to the lesson. I love the way C.S. Lewis puts it;

"To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." 

Christ forgives so that we in turn as children forgive. We have to, it is a non-negotiable requirement for the children of the King. I don't look at myself as a horrible person, non of us do, but Christ didn't forgive the good things, the easy to forget things, the "well she is only human" things about us. He forgave the unforgivable in all of us...the things we don't want any one else to find out about us cause we might lose all our friends, that is the the depth of Christ's forgiveness. Knowing that, knowing what Christ has done for me and all believers, how could I not forgive? The power to forgive is the the power to give away what you feel is rightfully yours. Another word for forgiveness is pardon. I had to let go of the hope that other person would suddenly realize the pain they caused and show up crying, begging for forgiveness. I had to let go of the wish that they would know what they did to me. The power of forgiving is a great power that we as believers hold within due to the spirit within us, it is not of ourselves. However the power of forgiving someone who has not asked for it or doesn't think they need it is even greater.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6  

The promise is that Christ knows how difficult is it. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:15. This is a promise that tells me know matter how difficult that trial is, no matter how hot the fires of sanctification burn, he will be there to continue working on me till he returns. Christ is not going to give up on me, or my need to forgive and my failure when I can't. The promise is that one day I will forgive that person. I know in my heart that I have forgiven that person. However there are always days of weakness because as we all know sin leaves a mark, and that scar still burns from time to time, rearing its ugly head, threatening to roar to life and ruin all that Christ had done in me. But our Savior did not leave us without encouragement for every circumstance.

"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved son, in whom we have redemption the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:13 

I have been delivered from the domain of darkness, therefore what used to hold me captive I am slave to it no more. I have a way out, a path of redemption. I am now a slave to Christ and his will for my life. Which is to: "Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse." Romans 12:14. Which brings me to my next point.
What I still need help on. 
I would love to sit here and tell you that the case is closed, the rat has been dealt with and the house is all clear. However, since I am still a sinful creature by nature and have to fight against that on a moment to moment basis, that is not the case. I still struggle with the snarling monster that wants to find fault where there is none. The bitterness sneaks up from time to time and that is something I know I need to work on. So I ask you, my sisters in Christ to challenge me and keep me accountable to this, that I would remain pure in heart towards this person and would not look for ghosts that are not there. 

"For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them." Eph 5:8-11 

I wish I could give you the key and say I have all the answers but I don't. However, through prayer and encouragement from the saints I know that Christ is not done with me yet, and that is a huge comfort.

Forgiveness:

It’s the hardest thing to give away


And the last thing on your mind today


It always goes to those who don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel


When the pain they caused is just too real


Takes everything you have to say the word

Forgiveness


It’s always angers own worst enemy


Even when the jury and the judge


Say you’ve got a right to hold a grudge


It’s the whisper in your ear saying, “set it free”

Forgiveness


Lord, show me how to love the unlovable


Teach me how to reach the unreachable


Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness


It can clear the bitterness away


It can even set a prisoner free


There is no end to what its power can do

So, let it go and be amazed


By what you see through eyes of Grace


The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness

-Nicole

Personality or Problem?

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m a worrier. I’ve always been that way.” Anxiety and fear are often described as a personality traits. Something we “deal with”. In all honesty, I find myself anxious quite often. Anxious about the future…that great unknown people are always so curious to know about. Oh, the future. That vastness that stretches before you with seemingly endless possibilities. The choices you’re faced with that you see as determining the outcome of, well, everything. “What are your plans after graduation?” “Are you married?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend? Somebody needs to scarf you up!””  What do you want to do with the REST OF YOUR LIFE?” People can ask rather intimidating questions.  Do you have a definite plan for the future, or are you filled with the mystery of, “I don’t know”?!? When faced with questions like these, it can be so tempting to give into fear, anxiety and worry. That panic of, “What do I do with my life?!?” Then there are the daily matters that tempt us to feel a loss of control. Matters at work, home and school that are out of our control can lure us into a place of fear. Do we measure up in the eyes of our friends, coworkers and parents? Do we measure up to God’s standards? If you don’t measure up, how do you deal with that? Worry can be a debilitating thing. It can paralyze us into doing nothing or it can cause us to be foolish in our decisions. However, we as believers have not been called to live a life of fear, but a life of freedom. There is so much that could be said about this subject, but I want to focus on how the sin of anxiety causes us to have a distorted view of others, ourselves and of God.

When I choose to worry, I distort my view of others. Immediately my worries encroach me and I can’t see anything else. I can’t see that my friend is hurting and needs encouragement. I can’t share in the joys in the lives of others. I’m so blinded by the cloud of my fear that nothing else seems important. If we are anxious by our own needs, how can we see the needs of others? Philippians 2:1-9 speaks to this:

”So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men and being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name.”

Being worried about your own needs and concerns over the interests of others causes disunity. How can we be “of the same mind, having the same love” if we are not counting “others more significant than ourselves”? We can’t! I don’t want to be useless in the body of Christ or useless in His Kingdom work by being so entangled in my own worries! How did Christ set an example here? He “emptied himself”, He put aside his own needs and took the role of a servant. He was obedient unto death. He submitted himself to the mighty will of his Father. Lord, help us to empty ourselves. I always find when I’m struggling in this way, if I reach out to others and make myself about their concerns and their lives, the weight of what I’m struggling with lessens. Obedience in “casting our cares” to God and emptying ourselves truly does bring peace.

When I become anxious about the future, I’m attempting to put myself in control of my life. To be worried is basically saying, “I’m in charge, and if I don’t make the right decision, everything is ruined.” We want to create our worlds the way we see fit. We put ourselves in the role of little gods, thinking our decisions determine what will happen. To an extent this is true. Our actions do have consequences. Those who live faithful lives and consider God in all their choices are blessed. Those who ignore God in their lives are ultimately cursed. The Psalms are full of verses that express this message. In fact, the whole book of Psalms starts out with this very message, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly…whatever he does shall prosper.” In Psalm 34 we hear about the demise of the wicked, “The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.” When it comes to the decision of who we will serve, it most certainly effects our lives. In fact, in every way! The giving and withholding of blessings is determined by our decision in who we live our lives for. I have to be careful that I don’t see the other details of life (where I go to school, whom I marry, what I do with my life, etc) as in my hands. If you’ve committed your life to the Lord, plan away! Make decisions! Have goals! But know that they can be changed. We all know Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” I must be content not to be a god, but to be an instrument in God’s hand.

Ultimately, being anxious effects our view of God. This is the core of our problem with the sin of worry. To worry basically says to God, “I know I say that I trust you with my mouth, but it’s really not true. I don’t think you will provide my every need. I don’t think you will do what is best for me.” This breaks my heart. The moment I become anxious I deny that my caring, compassionate, loving, sovereign Lord cares for me and directs my path. Elyse Fitzpatrick in her book, “Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety” speaks of the importance of having a correct view of God, and specifically a right understanding of His sovereignty. She says, “God’s sovereignty is the only safe harbor when we’re assailed by the winds of fear, doubt and worry.” She quotes Jerry Bridges in the same book, “ He does whatever pleases Him and determines whether we can do what we have planned….No creature, person or empire can either thwart His will or act outside the bounds of His will.” If we truly believe this, every anxiety will vanish in the secure knowledge that God is in control. No matter the choices we make, He will make his purposes comes to pass. Whether we choose cosmetology or biomedical engineering, getting married or staying single, living in Georgia or in Uruguay, He is in sovereign. What peace that brings. I don’t mean to discredit getting wise counsel about life or weighing out options, but as long as we are being faithful to Christ and His word, whatever choice we make will be within His will. And nothing will thwart his plan. “For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?” Isaiah 14:26-27

If we are faithfully abiding in Christ, this is our greatest defense against worry and anxiety. A verse that often comforts my heart is Psalm 34:10, “Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” We must continually cast our fears and anxiety onto the Lord and trust in His true and very precious promises. By focusing on Him and his word, we will begin to understand His love towards us. “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him… There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1John4)

 Pressing On,

            Anna Leigh

Believe it and live it!

I'm going to be really transparent here, friends. What the Lord is currently teaching me is something that I have struggled off and on with my whole life. The struggle has come and gone...and then come back again. Sometimes we don't realize how deep rooted our struggles are, and most of the time (at least for me) I realize how many excuses I have made for myself instead of calling it what it really is. 

What I struggle with the world may call "low self-esteem" or an "unhealthy body image"...but I have come to realize that the root of my struggle in this area is an ugly mixture of self-centeredness, envy and lack of self-control. 

Growing up, I was pretty quiet. And awkward. I had big, round purple glasses and some weird version of a bowl cut. I lived in Lala land - I would make up songs and talk to my imaginary friends, all while wearing dress up clothes. My mom hilariously told me recently that she would sometimes be concerned, wondering if I was the kid that would just grow old living with my parents. BaHA! Looking back though, I really didn't care. I was happy and my world consisted of my loving, wonderful family and church. 

Fast-forward a few years and the great Trial that we all experience found me (aka puberty) and I was all of the sudden aware of my awkwardness. Which made it even more awkward. I found myself comparing my personality with others, noticing that some people got more attention and/or compliments than others. I tried to mimic what the "cool" people did and said, but it always ended up not like I had planned. I think most of the time I just came across as mean when I was just trying to be cute and sassy, darn it. Basically it was a fail. 

In September of 2001 the Lord broke me of my sin. I had known Truth my whole life, but it had never taken a hold of me and brought me to my knees. I still tear up thinking of the freedom that I felt, the freedom that I had so longed for but didn't know that I did. I soaked up the Word like a sponge; I couldn't get enough. And you know what happened? I came to the amazing yet simple realization that God made me for a purpose, making me and preparing me for a life that He only knew. I all of the sudden felt happy to be me...not because I realized how wonderful I was, but because I had been hit over the head at how wonderful He is. I forgot about myself and marveled at His kindness toward me. That's when I really came out of my "shell" - this is the Lauren that you know now. People usually don't believe me when I try to explain that I used to be super shy and awkward. :) 

Oh, but how life continues on and the trials and realities hit and I was tested. My struggles came and went, but recently I see the Lord opening my eyes to my big envy problem. I envy a body type that I don't have, I envy girls who are super athletic (I'd much rather be singing or talking or reading a book, lets just be real), I envy people who can seemingly eat whatever they want and still maintain a small waistline. And now that I am a mom, I envy women who don't have crazy stretch marks or can button their pre-pregnancy jeans. Ladies, no matter where you are in life, no matter what you do, there is always going to be a better looking, more fit, more beautiful person that you. It's just the reality of it. I have spent way too much time and way too much energy exercising or eating right just out of desire to look like other people that I think is the ideal. And you know what? I fall flat on my face every time. 

It wasn't until this past week that the light-bulb came on for me. I realized that I have been envying what is not mine, which is basically saying to God, "why have you made me this way?" instead of thanking him for a healthy body and having the ability to care for it as the temple of His Spirit. You see, I am not going to stop exercising or trying to get more healthy, but what I am going to stop is the sin of envy. I am going to stop my up and down eating/exercise habits and walk in self-control. You see, as God's child I have been given everything I need to live a life of godliness. Self-control and contentment come from the Lord, and since He has opened my eyes to His Truth I have the power and ability to change my ways. Isn't God good!? It's nothing that I have done, it's all of Him! 

Some of you might not struggle with the same struggles that I have shared here, but what is your struggle? Do you keep falling and finding yourself in a vicious cycle of ups and downs? You don't have to live like that! Are you in the Word consistently? Are you in prayer consistently? Are you seeking fellowship with the Church? Are you pouring yourself out and investing in others? See, God has done everything for us. The grace is there, the power is there...now walk in obedience. 

I love you all so much! 

- Lauren 

'Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus

As I considered what to share in this post, so many things came to mind. The Lord is so good, so compassionate, so gracious... abounding in steadfast love. When I think on what He's been teaching me, a lot comes to mind (and I don't mean this pridefully... when you pray for the Lord to reveal sin in your heart no matter how hard it is, He is so faithful to do so - and there sure is a lot there). But, one thing that I keep learning, over and over, often in the midst of other lessons and struggles, is this truth - I am not God. I want to know what's coming next, I want to be in control, I want what I want. What do these sinful heart attitudes come down to? I am not trusting fully in the Lord and focusing rightly on who He is and who I am.

We probably all know the story of Job. I'd like to say that I would have rightly responded to the circumstances he faced, but I know my heart would deeply struggle. In chapter 38, we find the Lord answering Job out of a whirlwind. This chapter (and the rest of the book... and all of Scripture, really:) is full of reminders of the Lord's power, sovereignty, holiness, and on and on.

Job 38:4, ESV
"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding."

...Have you commanded the morning since your days began

...What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,

    or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

...Who has put wisdom in the inward parts

    or given understanding to the mind?

...Who provides for the raven its prey,

    when its young ones cry to God for help,
    and wander about for lack of food?

Job 42:1-6, ESV

"Then Job answered the Lord and said:

“I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
 ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
 therefore I despise myself,
    and repent in dust and ashes.”

When I respond to circumstances in frustration, confusion, questioning God's goodness in my life, do I really have my heart set on a right view of who God is? Do I have any right to question Him? Say it together now... Nope. I deserve eternal punishment, and I have from the moment I was alive. What grace He has shown us, not only to allow us to live on this earth, but to allow us opportunity to repent. What grace, what love He has shown to send His only Son to die for our sins. What grace He has shown us to draw such unworthy sinners to Himself. To allow us to know Him. To show us our sins and remind us that we are dust. To allow us to belong to His Church. How often I trample on His grace.

When I cling so tightly to my comfort and desire to be in control, I am not fixing my eyes on Christ as I should. He has been working on this so much in my heart lately. I find so much comfort and encouragement, not only in these truths that I am so often reminded of, but also in seeing how the Lord has been teaching me. I read passages like this one in Job, and I am reminded of how small I am and how dependent I am on my Creator for every moment of every day. His sovereign hand in my life, in my friend's and families lives, in His Church, and over all creation... It's overwhelming and should humble us before such a holy, merciful God.

I'd encourage all of you ladies to read Job 38-42 this week if you have time. Even as I was writing this post, I was so struck by the truths in those verses. Please pray for me as I continue to learn to trust in the Lord and view my circumstances through the truths in His Word. I am so thankful for all of you ladies... The Lord is so kind to give us one another and I love all of you sisters so very much. ♥

"Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus... Oh, for grace to trust Him more."

He > Me

I’d like to think that I’m a nice person and relatively easy to get along with.  I’d like to . . . but I can't.  Deep down, I know better.  It took getting married to really confront me with this truth.  When Tyler and I were engaged, I foolishly thought that it would be easy to die to myself and my wants for Tyler.  After all, I love him SO much.  Then one day a few months into our marriage, it hit me . . . I do love Tyler, but I love me more.  If I am not living in complete dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit, I will always seek to put myself first and see myself as the center of all things.

In my sinful flesh, I carry this same “me first” mentality into all of my relationships.  Sadly, I often find myself doing this with the Lord as well.  Thankfully, God graciously chastens me and reveals this pattern in my heart. 

Just a few days ago, I found myself facing the consequences of my selfishness -- dashed expectations, unkind words, and hurt feelings of those I claim to love -- just to name a few.  While I sat stewing, sorrowful and frustrated by the repercussions of my sin, the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to my heart saying, “Don’t be like Esau.”

I remembered Hebrews 12:17 that gives this caution.  “For you know that afterward, when [Esau] desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.” Esau had sorrow for his sin.  But his brokenness had nothing to do with offending a holy and righteous God.  He was only concerned with  the results of his sin - the loss of his birthright. 

I realized that all too often when I sin, my focus in repentance is not where it should be.  I am sorrowful.  I’m saddened that I’ve caused hurt in a relationship.  I’m embarrassed that I’ve been caught in sin by someone I respect.  I’m frustrated by the results of my sin.  However, in all of this, I am limiting my view of my sin and its effects to the wrong person . . . me. My foremost thought is not on how God sees my sin.  I don’t think about how it offends Him or that my sin (whatever it may be) is primarily done against a holy, pure, and righteous God.  I fail to view my sin from a divine perspective. 

Understanding this was so crucial because not only did it help me to make things right with the person I hurt, it also compelled me to confess my sin to the Lord and thank Him for His graciousness, patience, and forgiveness.  I was able to find great encouragement in the midst of everything because I knew the Lord was chastening me, His child.  I belong to Him!  He set His love on me and saved me in order that I “should be holy and blameless before Him” (Ephesians 1:4).  In His love, He reproves me, exposing my sin against others and most importantly against Him. 

In the last few days, I’ve been prompted to continue to ask myself, “How does God view this? What does He think of my choices, my words, my thoughts, my actions?” I’m so grateful that the Lord rescues us from a “me first” mentality and a self-centered existence.  His thoughts, His words, and His truth are what really matter.  He is the center of everything!  Please pray for me that I would continue to live in light of this and pursue holiness as Christ desires me to!  ". . . that in all things, HE might be preeminent." Colossians 1:18