Control Freak

My name is Nicole and I am a control freak.

I didn't know that I was until recently. In fact I always considered myself pretty laid back. It never occurred to me that my life would look this different at this point in my life. I had my world surrounded by a nice white picket fence, what I didn't realize is that there was a sin lying dormant under the surface that was about to rear its ugly head. It was awakened with the realization that my world was not mine to shape.
God was working in my life and he was not going to allow this sin to remain unexposed. He was going to bring me to his feet in a very real and painful way. I look back at the past year and wish that it hadn't happened the way it did. I wish that I could have learned this lesson without experiencing the loss. But in another way I couldn't be more grateful. I am closer to God and I have been showered with more grace and peace than I ever thought possible. Those trials have brought me into further sanctification, and deepened my dependance on and love for Christ. I now stand stronger and give all the glory to him. The strength and hope that God gives is now very real in my life, where it wasn't before, I rely on it hourly to get me through the day. I now have a testimony that I can share with others that they might be encouraged and seeds of faith might be planted.
I can look back to this time last year when I was sitting on my bed staring at a positive pregnancy test, excitement and anticipation dancing inside me. I can sings songs of praise that God planted that seed of life inside me at the exact moment it needed to be. And on June 8th as I laid in my bed and wept after reading the text telling me that my grandmother had gone home to be with the Lord a short 10 days after learning that she had leukemia. I cried for the loss of her prescience in my life, knowing she never would get to hear my wonderful news. God was there however, with his mighty, sovereign, loving hand directing the events in my life. Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." My hope was my belief that this was for my good and God's glory. This truth was brought to my remembrance through the holy spirit, and I found unexpectedly that I could rejoice through the pain knowing this was from God's hand.
Trials are put in our paths to test us, to bring out sin and expose it to us. Trails bring us closer to God by means of prayer and sanctification. They are difficult to walk to walk through, impossible without Christ. They cause friction in our lives and are painful. But the eternal benefits are immeasurable and knowing that they come to us from God gives us strength and peace. Charles Spurgeon said; "It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity."
This trial served its purpose and brought to light a beast that I didn't know even existed; the desire to control things I could not and the paralyzing fear that followed knowing something else precious could be taken from me. Horrible scenes would play out in my head that I could not stop of car accidents, miscarrying my baby, and police shootings all taking someone from me that I held dear. They were random in occurrence, and although not completely debilitating, they had a crippling effect nonetheless. The sin was there and I was not dealing with it appropriately. The more I ignored it and tried to deal with the fear on my own the stronger it became. James 1:2-4 states; "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing." I realize now that I was not humbling myself and giving in to what God was working in my life. I was not "letting steadfastness have its full effect", meaning I was not letting endurance, perseverance, and the pursuing of God and his truths take hold in my heart. I thought that I knew who should stay and who should go, and when it would be best for those things to happen. But God in his infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy did not let me remain in my sin. He pressed harder, put on more pressure and made the flames hotter so that the dross would float to the surface. He was refining his child so that one day I will be pure and without blemish. As Job 23:10 states; "But he knows the way I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." He wants me to be as gold that shines and points others to the refiner and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). In 1 Peter 1:6-7 it says; "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." This verse tells us the reason for our trials; praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Christ. Trials are to reveal more and more of Christ to us, what a gift!!
I though the hard times were over and our family tried to settle into the new normal. I became complacent, never suspecting there was more to come. The second trial came without notice and was far more painful than the first. On October 6th 2014 I lost the man who had shaped my entire world for my entire life to date. It was a Monday and I will never forget standing in the ICU thinking all my dad had was pneomonia and then hearing the Dr tell us that he had become unresponsive and his heart had stopped beating. How do you live without someone who has always been there? There are no words, its a grief that brought me to my knees with the weight of it. But in that moment of unbearable grief God was never more real in my life.
Verses I had believed on faith and thought I had experienced became encouragements that got me through the intense moments of heartache. They became more real to me than ever before. Philippians 4:12-13 Paul tells us; "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned to secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." This verse is not about winning football games or FCA and YEC retreats. Its saying that I can carry on, honor God, still exhibit the fruits of the spirit, all the things HE ASKS OF ME because Christ is the one giving me the strength to do God's will. I stand amazed at my heavenly father, that he would lavish such gifts of grace and mercy on me. I had lost someone dear to me and yet I had this little life growing inside me. I was struck with the strength of God's grace like never before. I will never forget the first time I felt her move was at my dad's visitation. To me that is a perfect picture of Job 1:21 "and he said "naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
The beastly sin of my need to control things would not die easily though. I am ashamed to say it took hold of my thoughts. I was captive to the fear and panic it produced in me. On the outside I was strong and calm. I carried on with daily life, but on the inside I was a total disaster. I was not without hope, however, Christ was faithful to provide a way out of the temptation and way into peace of mind with him.
It has been 7 months since I lost my dad. And I am just now coming out if that controlling fear and panic. The grip it had on me was strong. I would end up on my knees weeping and shaking chanting scripture over and over again till it passed. I could blame it on hormones or postpartum symptoms, and I do struggle with those things. But the key to overcoming it is calling what it really is; sin. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 encourages us; "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body of death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." What a promise!! There is peace knowing that nothing comes to me except what passes through God's hands. My responsibility in that promise is to obey Ephesians 5:15-16 "Look carefully then how you walk, not as the unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil."
I still struggle with this issue of control over my circumstances and I ask for prayers and accountability in this area of my life. But the eternal treasures I have gained far outweigh this earthly pain. I will see my dad and grandmother again one day, but until then I rest on the unchanging grace and love of my heavenly father.

"Be Still My Soul"

Be still my soul; the Lord is on thy side

bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

leave to thy God to order and provide

in every change He faithful will remain

be still my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend

through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

Be still my soul, though dearest friends depart

and all is darkened in the vale of tears

then shalt thou better know His love, His heart

who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears

be still my soul, thy Jesus can repay

from His own fullness all He takes away. 

Put off ... Put on

Put Off ... Put On

{too be read like "wax on, wax off}

Colossians 3:8-10

⁸ But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. ⁹ Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, ¹⁰ and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him—

This passage is a very familiar passage to most.

I was going to write on something else, but through different conversations I’ve had with other women the past couple of months and through my own fight with my sin, this is a topic that has continually come up.

So many of us struggle with our sin, we try to fight it, we try and try to put it off to honor God, and yet we continually forget the other part, to put on righteousness. Not that we aren’t pursuing righteousness and obeying God, but in our struggle against a certain sin we can sometimes forget what needs to be put on as we put off that particular sin.

In Colossians 3, Paul is talking to believers saying, if you have been raised with Christ than we need to be setting our minds on things above (v. 2) and laying aside our sinful ways in which we all once walked (v. 5-7) and putting on the new self (v.12-15) letting the word of Christ richly dwell within you (v. 16)

We know this! This is 101 of being a believer. So why, when we are trying so hard to put off wicked thoughts, gossip, lying, anxious thoughts, fear, worry, selfishness, pride, lustful thoughts, do we forget that we are to actively be putting something on?

How does a liar stop lying? By not lying? No, by actively going out and telling the truth. How do you stop being proud? By just not thinking highly of yourself? No, by going out and pursuing others humbly in love.

Most all of these sins start in our mind. 

We can’t just stop being anxious, lustful, proud with our thoughts. We have to be replacing those thoughts with something else and then acting out those things.

Matthew 6:21 “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” The greek word for “heart” is kardia, meaning intention, mind, character, your will.

“Focusing on earthly treasures produces earthly affection”-John MacArthur

Whatever your focus is on will be what your mind thinks, and that is how you start to act and respond. It becomes your character and your will on this earth.

So we need to start by realigning our thoughts. Like Colossians 3:16 says “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you”

Some ways to help your to not only put off but also to put on.

1.     Pray. Ask God to help you.  And sometimes we {I!} can become selfish in our prayers, just praying for our struggles and ourselves. Pray with thanksgiving to God, praise Him for who He is and what He has done.  And then pray for others and their struggles.

2.     Fill your mind with right things. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” All these things are found in God’s Word. 

Read your bible, meditate, memorize these things daily.

3.     Practice. When you fill your mind with godly things it will lead to practical living.  John MacArthur wrote “God’s Word cultivates the godly attitudes, thoughts, and actions that will keep trials and temptations from overwhelming us”

Martha Peace does an excellent job in her books of giving charts of sinful thinking, what scripture says about it, and what right thinking looks like. I encourage you to read her books.

Damsels in Distress

Attitudes of a Transformed Heart

Becoming a Titus 2 Woman

Faithfulness

I've been thinking about the word "faithful" a lot lately. Faithful... steady in allegiance or affection. Loyal. Constant. True to one's word. Strict or thorough in the performance of duty. Reliable. Trusted (thank you, dictionary.com).

I've been thinking about the faithfulness of the Lord, and I've been thinking about the call we have as believers to be faithful.

This time of year has made me pretty nostalgic. Sappy graduation photos pop up all over social media and I can't help but think about how much has changed in the few short years since I was at that point. I think in the Christian life, there is a good kind of looking back... The kind where you look back and see how faithful the Lord has been. And a lot of events over the last month or two have stirred up that kind of looking back. I look back at journal entries from a few years ago, I remember the things I so badly wanted, the plans I made for myself with certainty that they would happen. I look back and am filled with thankfulness - that the Lord knows me better than I know myself, that He knows my needs, that He withholds no good thing from His children.

I hold so tightly to my own plans sometimes. I think I know what is best for me, what will grow me, what will make me happy. I love to look back and see how the Lord guided me through many difficult decisions. At times the Lord withheld from me what I so badly wanted, and looking back I see just the tiniest glimpse of how good He was in doing so. I don't have a lot of life to look back on quite yet, but I am thankful for these few years as a believer that the Lord has so clearly demonstrated His faithfulness.

"God has been faithful, He will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end." - Sara Groves

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds." - Psalm 36:5

And while we're on the subject, I'm reminded also about our call to faithfulness as believers. As we remember how faithful the Lord has been, it should motivate us all the more to be faithful each and every day. To be faithful in the little moments that require steadfastness, grace, and faith. I'm seeing how important it is to dwell on what is true. It doesn't really matter what is going on around me, if I am skipping out on my time in the Word and prayer, I won't respond well. I won't dwell on what is true. I'm encouraged in realizing that we aren't instantly zapped into perfect children of God at our moment of salvation. If He has started a good work in our hearts, He will carry it to completion. But probably not right this moment, or the next, or the one after that. That work will not be complete until we leave this world.
When I look at the lives of older people I admire, I wonder how they get to where they are, and I have been reminded lately of one thing... It's about being faithful. We grow in the nitty gritty of daily life. He disciplines us because He loves us. He allows life to happen because He wants us to be more like Christ. This has drastically changed my way of thinking. We should rejoice in the trials because we know what is true. We must keep on being faithful with what He has set before us, and He will give us grace to do so. Today, tomorrow, next week, next year, and for the rest of our lives on this earth. Remember His faithfulness, ladies, and let the truths in His word motivate you all the more to be faithful with what is set before you.

Lessons from the Ant

     I know I’ve said this before, but when it comes my turn comes around to write on this blog, I try to stop and reflect on the things the Lord is specifically teaching me in the surrounding days and weeks. I think that’s probably the pattern of most (if not all) of the contributors.  When it’s my turn I usually wait until the last minute to write it. I realize it’s coming, I’m thankful for an opportunity to share, but I just keep putting it off. Oh I need to throw that load of laundry in. I meant to order those pictures. I’m hungry. Oops! I ran out of time. Gotta go meet so-and-so. And the excuses go on. At the eleventh hour (or past it) I end up making myself sit down and I try to collect all my thoughts together. Okay, Anna Leigh. Pick one thing God is teaching you. What is it? Surely there’s something. Sometimes that thing is obvious. Sometimes I’ve not been asking the Lord to open the eyes of my heart to see what He wants me to see; sometimes I’ve not been asking Him to search my heart, to see if there is any “wicked way in me”. Because of this sometimes I sit to type, and I’m wracking my brain for words.

     I’ve been in a similar situation for the past few days. I’d get an idea of what to write about, and then I’d forget. What was that idea I had? In all of this I’ve also been studying for an upcoming exam; and guess what? I’ve been putting off studying. I allowed myself to get distracted by things. Good things, not bad things, but not things that made the best use of the time. In all of this, I was graciously reminded of a struggle I have. A struggle that has been with me for pretty much as long as I can remember. I especially noticed it in high school when the papers and the homework and the projects seemed more demanding of my time and my brain.  I’d put it off. I’d study, but I wouldn’t study hard or smart until the very last minute. You know, when your test is the next day and you’re cramming all you can into your brain and after a while everything looks the same.

If you have picked up on it yet, I’ve struggled with laziness. It’s hard to admit, because, well…it’s such an unsightly, sloppy sin. It’s humiliating when it catches up to you. It’s a shot to my pride. I want to be viewed as smart, efficient, having everything in order.  Years after high school, I find myself in a similar boat. I can find so many excuses to not study for my test and do a million other things. This begins to trickle into other areas of my life. My devotion time. The time when I’m scrolling through Instagram instead of cleaning my house. Then I get frustrated when I want to do something fun with friends and I complain, “I have so much to do! Sorry, I can’t spend time with you.” Or I write a half thought through article because I wanted to search for the perfect summer swimsuit and, oops! An hour went by. It’s hard for me to write these words. I am ashamed at the fact that I struggle with this. I would love to rather be writing an article about how I’ve grown so much in this area and be able to share with you how I’m being more efficient. I’d love to tell you that I finished my homework and already swabbed the toilets, so now I’m free to serve my family and my church without the weight of guilt from the things I should have done.

     There have been a couple times when I’ve been on facebook or instagram or shopping on the internet when the verse, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” would pop in my head, and you know what? At times I’d just keep on scrolling. By God’s grace I’m repenting of this. No, it’s not a sin in and of itself to spend leisure time on the internet, but when it is keeping you from what you know you need to do, when you’re wasting time, that’s when it’s wrong. The Proverbs are full of verses calling out to the sluggard to change his ways.  Proverbs 10:4 says, “Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.” Proverbs 6:6 adds, “Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise”. Proverbs 18:9, “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” Then there’s Ephesians 5:15-16 that really speaks to my lazy habits;“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” We have been given a breath, a vapor, which is our life. We are called to make the best use of the time. Why? Because ultimately our time here is not ours. It’s a gift we’ve been given. It’s not that we are to fill every waking moment with tasks and things to do, but we must consider how we spend ALL of our time. Are we constantly seeking after our own pleasures, or are we seeking “first the Kingdom of God”? These are the questions my heart is considering. I do see God’s gracious hand in growing me in this struggle, but I still see it’s effects on my life and I long to make better use of the time he has given me. In this I have to be careful not to become Martha, filling my days with much to do and not making time to sit at the feet of the Savior. To hear his voice through his Word.

     At the end of the day the problem is not Netflix or Instagram or Facebook (or whatever it is that robs our time), the issue is found in our hearts, or desires, our passions. I’m committed to continue making steps to root out this sin, but it will only be by the power of the Holy Spirit in my life, by mediating on his truth as asking the Lord to open my eyes to the heart issues, not just the manifestations of a deeper issue. I want him to “take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.” I want my life to be flowing in this worship, and this demands all of me in every moment.

Pressing On!

Anna Leigh

My All in All

It is very easy to go through life looking to and waiting for the next milestone or stage that awaits us...graduation, career, relationship, marriage, children, etc. For myself, I have discovered that there are two major problems with this.  First, it robs me of present joy.  When I was single, people would often tell me how sorry they were that I hadn't found someone yet.  I knew what they meant.  These were people who were married and were enjoying the amazing gift of marriage, and therefore wished me the same happiness.  However, without meaning to, the idea being conveyed to me was often that I was missing out. . . that until I was married, my life was less satisfying or incomplete.  Of course, this is far from true.  God doesn't make cookie cutter people and He doesn't have cookie cutter plans for us either.  So, anytime we look at someone else and compare ourselves with them - what they have, where they are, what they have accomplished - we rob ourselves of the present joy that God has given.  His perfect plans for each of us are unique and wonderful.  And often those plans mean that the milestones we are looking to and waiting for with great expectation may be delayed (according to our timetables) or may not be His best for us at all.  This doesn't mean we are missing out.  I can be satisfied and complete in the Giver of all good things.  While our greatest joy does await us in eternity, we can still find present and full joy where God has placed us now.  

The second problem I find with being so fixed on the milestones of this life is that they become our expectation.  Every major stage or life marker that I have come to thus far have one thing in common: they have never lived up to my high expectations of what they would be like and how they would make me feel.  I remember being in high school thinking of how I could not wait for senior year, and although I had a great senior year of high school, it certainly did not live up to the hype I had created in my mind.  The same could be said for college, starting my career, moving out on my own, and even getting married.  Let me be clear, marriage is wonderful. I love my husband and know that I am immensely blessed to have him in my life.  But marriage is far more sanctifying and stretching than I had anticipated.  You see, in our expectations, we rarely if ever think or speculate on the way we will be tried or our real, true, fleshly self will be exposed.  We tend to only dwell on the lighter, happier, or what we may term as "fulfilling" things that await us in that phase.  This is why soon after attaining the object of our exception, we move on to the next thing that we feel awaits us and will fulfill us.  The Psalms are an ever present call to us to make only one thing, one Person our expectation.  

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him."

Psalm 39:2 "With expectation I have waited for the Lord, and he was attentive to me."

There are plenty of other admonitions throughout Scripture that point us to Christ being the only one to fulfill all our needs, all our longings, all our desires.  No other person or thing can do that.  

Wherever you are right now, let me encourage you to be grateful - joyfully grateful for where you are.    If you are in Christ, you lack nothing.  And if and when God chooses to bring that next milestone that you are looking forward to, find all your satisfaction and joy in Him, the Giver of all good things.  (James 1:17)

Clinging to the Promises of God

Recently I have been studying the book of Ruth. It is a beautiful story of God's providential care of His people and His willingness to accept Gentiles who seek Him. Throughout the book we see God's sovereignty, loving care, and faithfulness displayed. One of the things that I loved while studying the book was seeing God's character and remembering that God is the same today as He was in the days of Ruth...he never changes. 

There was a time in the book where Naomi was focussed on her past instead of the future God was unfolding for her. I know that can be true for me many times as well. It is easy to sometimes dwell on what has been instead of looking to where God is taking me and seeing trusting Him. Here are some verses that should have brought Naomi comfort as they were truths that she had been taught from childhood.

Exodus 15:2-3 "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God , and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is his name." 

Exodus 15:11-13 "Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders? You stretched out your right hand; the earth swallowed them. You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode."

I'm so thankful that we have God's completed Word to help us when we face trials of various kinds in our lives. Here are some passages that can help us to think rightly about the trials we face.

Job 2:10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”In all this Job did not sin with his lips. 

Psa. 119:67 "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word."

Psa. 119:71 "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes."

Psa. 119:75 "I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. "

Psa. 138:6 "For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar."

Psa. 138:7 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me."

Psa. 138:8 "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."

Lam. 3:19-33 Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust—there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults. For the Lord will not
cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men. 

Phil. 3:13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

Phil. 3:14 "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Phil. 4:8  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

Phil. 4:9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

We all have either just come out of a trial, are in one, or soon will be. This is why it is crucial for us to turn to God's Word for our answers and to cling to His promises! It brings my heart comfort and peace to know that we have a God who loves and cares for us and is working everything together for our good and His glory. I hope and pray that these verses would be a comfort to you as well. Remember that just like in the story of Ruth God is faithful even when we have been unfaithful and He alone is worthy of our trust and praise! Turn to Him because He cares for you!!

Broccoli, Chocolate, Discipline...and Me.

Twenty-something years ago a chubby-cheeked little Stephie and her sandy-haired big brother sit and recite to their mom,

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Heb. 12:11

Sitting around our oak dining room table with the backdrop of our California sunshine, my little girl self exists, unsuspecting and under appreciating that Mom feeds us words to nourish our souls. Unfortunately, those words taste like broccoli and not like chocolate.

Throughout my childhood I completely identify with the "sorrowful" part of that verse. The spankings that sprinkle my days in gravely interesting ways cause much of that sorrow. "Stephie, don't procrastinate, first time obedience!" "Calm down and control yourself," and "Don't instigate your brother!" echo often through our home. The discipline comes calmly and lovingly, but as my rear stings with the healthy smacks of my parent's paddle, I feel sorrow. Discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful, but terribly, terribly sorrowful. It looms as the broccoli of life.

Fast forward to my second year of marriage with Clay. Driving in the car with blinks of sunlight and shade floating on our windshield, we talk about our relationship and the practices we see help our marriage. Clay compliments me on something...one of those disciplines so diligently instilled years ago...and I have to say, "You need to thank my mom for that! She did such a great job of teaching me!" In that moment, with the swell of happiness from the praise of my husband, discipline seems very, very sweet indeed. The peaceful fruit of righteousness tastes better than the finest of chocolates. Who would have thought?

These peeks into times both distant and near encourage me again. I still often associate discipline with the wholesome and stodgy taste of broccoli. I still focus on the moment, procrastinating in what I know I ought to do, and sometimes, I still cherish the delight of instigating my brother - lovingly now, of course. But as I am gently reminded by those dearest to me, I still desperately need discipline. I need to practice the disciplines of godliness: cherishing the gospel, diligence in the Word, and living sacrificially, among others. As Barbara Hughes puts it in her book Disciplines of a Godly Woman, 

"The discipline of the gospel is coming to God on His terms."

 So often I fail, morningly, daily, and nightly, but I know what I want - I desire the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Fruit tastes sweet, and fruit coming from a life yielded to God's terms tastes tantalizing. Don't give up because the training seems hard. Don't quit because you have failed to discipline yourself for the sake of righteousness (I fail again and again). We may have the peaceful fruit of righteousness for dessert, our heavenly Father tells us, but first we must discipline ourselves and eat our broccoli. First comes sorrow, but then...what joy awaits!

Ways In Which We Grow

I apologize ladies for dropping the ball this week! Despite my lack of timeliness, I wanted to share with you a little of what I have been learning recently. 

As I say it again, 
I have a LONG way to go...and sometimes it seems like this road keeps getting longer. I realize more and more every day that sin is a whole lot of gross and ugly, and that my sole dependence is on the Lord. It is only by His grace that I am where I am and it is He who keeps me running to Him.  

I have been learning through the day-to-day that I must keep coming to the Lord in order to grow. Though don't like to admit it, I am a lot of the time impatient. I desire growth but become discouraged when I continue to stumble in certain areas of my life. I've realized though, through this ongoing process of "putting off sin, and putting on Christlikeness," that growing in Sanctification is a glorious thing! I have been studying it specifically and how it is manifesting in my own life and through my circumstances. Recently I ran across an article that hit me square in the face and so I wanted to share it with all of you!...

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."

Galatians 5:22-23

"Just about every Christian has memorized the closing verses of Galatians and Paul’s description of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. This is the character of the man or woman who has been justified by grace through faith. Yet as we review the list, and especially as we review it slowly and prayerfully, we may find ourselves growing weary and discouraged by how little of that fruit we see. We are still angry at times, still struggling with self-control, still not nearly as gentle as Jesus Christ was and is. Paul’s metaphor of the “fruit” of the Spirit can help us, though. Here are five things that are true of fruit trees and, therefore, true of the fruit of the Spirit.

1. Growth is Gradual. We are an impatient people accustomed to instant gratification. But fruit grows slowly. A fruit tree grows gradually and over many years of careful and deliberate cultivation. If you purchase a sapling apple tree today, a sapling which is already more than a year old and well established, and if you plant it in the right climate zone and in fertile soil, and if there are other trees nearby that can help pollinate it, and if you care for it exactly as you should, it will probably be close to 5 years before you see the first apple dangling from the end of a branch and many years beyond that before it is at its top production, bearing the most and best fruit. Trees are tended carefully, pruned deliberately, and loved patiently until they bear the best fruit. Our growth in character is also far more gradual than we may like but the patience that is to mark our lives first marks God himself; he is patient with us as we grow toward maturity.

2. Growth is Inevitable. A healthy fruit tree that has been lovingly tended will bear fruit. It is inevitable. It is equally inevitable that the Christian indwelled by the Holy Spirit will and must bear fruit. No matter what the Christian’s life is like when he is first saved, that fruit will grow and display itself. The inevitability of fruit challenges every person who professes faith to examine his life to ask whether the Spirit’s fruit is present there. While we are saved by faith and not fruit, the fact remains that faith necessarily produces fruit. The growth is inevitable where there is life.

3. Growth is Internal. Fruit trees grow and produce fruit when they are deeply rooted in good soil and when the tree is internally strong. Fruit cannot grow on dead branches attached to a dead trunk and dead roots. It is not the fruit that makes the tree alive but the living tree that produces the fruit. In the same way the outworking of the fruit of the Spirit depends upon internal life. It is not giftedness—even what may be spiritual gifts—that proves that the Christian is alive, but fruit. The fruit of the Spirit is proof of a deep, internal health and grows out of that deep, internal health.

4. Growth is Symmetrical. A healthy fruit tree does not grow fruit on only one of its branches, but on all of them. There is a symmetry to a healthy, thriving fruit tree so that the whole tree bows low under the weight of all the fruit. The Christian’s growth is similar. Whenever we look at the fruit of the Spirit we need to acknowledge that the word fruit is singular, not plural. The fruit is the entire list, not the individual character traits. This tells us that this fruit also grows together with a kind of symmetry. These traits are so inevitably linked that we cannot have one without the others. It is impossible to truly love without being patient and kind. It is impossible to exhibit self-control toward another person without a God-given joy. The wise farmer tends his orchard with patience and love, expecting that when his trees have been cared for properly, they will indeed bear fruit. The Holy Spirit tends us with that same patience and love, knowing that we too will bear fruit that will attest to his presence and bring glory to the Father. 

5. Growth is Invisible. You can stand beside a fruit tree all day and all night and you will never actually see the fruit grow. No one has ever seen an apple visibly grow larger. Apples do grow, of course, but not in a way that can be measured in real-time. In the same way, the Christian’s growth is best measured after time and difficult circumstances have passed. It is after times of great sorrow or difficulty that you can say, “I used to respond to a situation like this with anger and lashing out; but yesterday I responded with joy and self-control.” The growth has been invisible, but real."

(Challies)

This encourages me to continue "...running with endurance the race set before me." (Hebrews 12:1) And in that process "...grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 3:18) Growth is gradual and it is hard sometimes, but don't be discouraged. Remember that God is patient with us in times of weakness. "..He is able to keep you from stumbling and present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy." (Jude 1:24) God is good and He is gracious, beyond what we deserve. Let that be what drives us to grow exceedingly more into the image of His Son, Jesus.

In Christ, 

Tiffany

The Little Things

I think sometimes we forget about God in the little things. We forget that we serve a God who cares for every detail of our daily lives... And we forget that He has sovereignly ordained these seemingly "little" details.

What do I mean here? Recently in Sunday School, someone mentioned that it is almost easier to trust God in the big things in life - those times when we truly feel we have nothing else to cling to but our hope in Christ. But when it comes to the little, daily, repetitive trials, it's almost harder. I've been thinking about this a lot recently. The Lord has been using these glimpses of my heart in daily life to lead me to greater dependence on Him.

My car has tire issues. Sometimes I turn my car on and the low tire pressure light is on. Again. I like to complain about this, because it's an inconvenience to my plans. I don't wake up in the morning planning to drive to AAA or a gas station and fill my tire up for the umpteenth time. I'm running out of quarters, for crying out loud. But wait... Rejoice in the Lord, always. Rejoice in salvation, rejoice in grace, and seriously, get it together, Abby. I don't think I bothered to be thankful that I even have a car when I turned it on and saw the light again. Yeah, you get the picture. My heart is a yucky place sometimes. I forget that He sovereignly ordained even these tire issues, and I believe that one of those reasons is to once again show me my complaining heart and my complete need to depend on Him in every moment.

Sometimes I find myself in tears thinking and praying about friends that are just so utterly lost. Friends living life apart from Christ, without the tiniest glimpse of hope to look to. I find myself burdened for their souls but at the same time fighting to love them in the day to day. Letting them know they're loved and that I'm not giving up on them, however that may tangibly look at the time. I find myself wondering if its worth it, you know, this sharing the gospel thing. They don't want to hear it, I tell myself. I'll humiliate myself. Wow, I fear man so quickly. Yet, He saved me, and I was just as dead in my sins. I was without hope, I was destined for wrath. It's only by His grace that I am not in the same shoes as these lost souls around me.

Titus 3:3-7

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."

I look at the beginning of this passage and I see it around me and it grieves my heart. Then I look at the rest of this passage and I remember that I was just as lost. It's by His kindness and patience and grace that I am able to do any good thing.

I know this post is a little bit all over the place, but here's the point I'm getting to... Rejoice in the big trials, and rejoice in the little ones, too. Turn to Christ and depend on Him. Don't complain, instead be thankful. These seemingly little trials have been big wake up calls in my heart over the last few weeks. The Lord is so faithful to discipline those He loves, and what a comfort that is. The Lord is so patient with us. Ladies, let us be thankful for the little things. Let us not forget where the Lord has brought us from, and let us not forget the hope we have in belonging to Him.

Desperately Dependent or Everyday Faithfulness

As I was trying to decide what to write, different things came to mind. When it comes for my turn to post on this blog I try to stop and think about what the Lord has been teaching me. Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint a specific thing to write about because I see so many things he is teaching me, and I realize how much further growth is needed in my life. To avoid writing a super long/never ending post about all the specific things I need growth in (which in actuality is every area of my life), it all really can be summarized in two words: everyday faithfulness. When I am overwhelmed and anxious and not sure what is going to happen next in life, I am reminded for a need to be still. To be steadfast. To relinquish my desire to be in control. To trust. To believe He is good. To do the next thing. When I am tempted to push for my own way and be selfish I am reminded to love others first. To die to myself. To be slow to speech. To be obedient. Honestly, at times I feel overwhelmed when I see my shortcomings, and usually I’m reminded by the correct response after I have messed up. I so badly wish I could think of the right thing to do or say before I actually act on the things my sinful heart is pondering to do. The words of Paul come to mind, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:24) I get so discouraged when I am not personally victorious over a sin. I don’t like being weak. I don’t like others to see my sins. I don’t like to see my own sins. Even in this hatred for sin I see sin, because so often I just want personal victory over sin so I don’t have to deal with it. It’s this burdensome heavy load I just want to be rid of. In reality this is a wrong perspective. I’m thankful for the discomfort in my sin, but I should hate it because it breaks the heart of God, because sin is not something that can be tolerated in God’s presence.  Sin is what put my Jesus on the cross. Too often I am just weary because I am tired of not being victorious; it’s all centered around me. I want it to break my heart because it is against a holy God! My holy God. Even in writing this my heart feels heavy seeing the sin that is there. And then I remember the next verse in Romans 7, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (verse 25) I don’t have to stay and wallow in my sin. I can remember that Jesus paid it all on the cross. My sinful actions, thoughts and attitudes, He paid the penalty for them all. He paid my debt. He gave me freedom from sin by making me a slave to God. I am so desperately dependent on God. To be faithful in the everyday I am so needy for him. I’m so thankful he can lay this burden at the foot of the cross. I can wake up each day not tormented by the sins of yesterday, but I can be thankful he showed me those areas of needed growth. I can repent and trust Him for the strength to be obedient today. I can have joy because He has set me free.

I hear the Savior say,

“Thy strength indeed is small;

Child of weakness, watch and pray,

Find in Me thine all in all.”

 Jesus paid it all;

All to Him I owe.

Sin had left a crimson stain;

He washed it white as snow.

Pressing on!

Anna Leigh 

Don't be a loner!

"Bear one another's burdens..."
(Gal. 6:2)

This has been something that has been on my mind a lot recently. I have realized that I am a very prideful person, especially in the area of asking for help or opening up about some of my struggles.

Since we have been back from Michigan, we have moved twice, had our second child, and Jordan has had a complete career change. We have loved being back around familiarity (family, church, friends, Chick-fil-A...you know, the basics) but along with the good there has also been the hard. Emotional/hormonal adjustments and challenges (gotta love being a female!) for me as I recover from having a baby and being a mom to two young children. Being a one car family and being home a looooot (which is not easy for an extrovert, lemme tell ya). Money being tight. Realizing that not all friendships are the same as they were before we moved- people change.

In the midst of these challenges, I have found myself really having a hard time asking for help and being honest about some of my struggles. I want to appear happy, easygoing, balanced, carefree, down to earth, stable, godly...the list goes on. When I find that I am not always these things (shocker, I know) I come to the place where I realize that I am not self-sufficient. I was never created to be and I don't know why I fool myself into thinking that it's possible. I need friendship, I need community. We all want to feel valued and affirmed and needed. Even more than that I need Jesus. I need His grace. Every single time I fall I am once again reminded that I need saving. Jesus tells us to cast our cares on Him. Why? Because He cares for you. He cares for me. As petty as some of my troubles might be, He tells me to throw them off my back and onto His. He has also given us a beautiful, wonderful gift: the Church. He made us to need each other. We are called to encourage, confront, exhort, comfort and love one another. We are missing out on some major blessing if we allow our pride to get in the way of asking for help, of opening up about how things are really going. I know I have. As the Lord slowly chips away at my pride He has shown me two things:

1. I am not alone. There is always someone else who has struggled with what you are struggling with. No matter how ugly, horrible or complicated it might be you are not the only one to have dealt with a particular sin in yourself or in another person. Find people, godly people, who can talk to you about it and pray for, encourage, and challenge you. Get over yourself and ask for help!

2. Get my eyes off of myself. Yes, the last several months have been some of the hardest of my life in many ways, but guess what? Life goes on. My struggles are not all that there is and every season is going to have pros and cons. I read back in my old journals and things that were just such a BIG DEAL are not even in my passing thoughts now. I didn't even remember some of the stuff that would consume my thoughts at one point in time. Also, I remember my mom wisely telling me in my teen years that if I was feeling discouraged or down that I needed to find someone to encourage. It's literally the last thing you want to do when you are wallowing in your own pity party, but it will change your perspective and give you joy like nothing else. There will always be hurting people around you...so why not extend the love and grace that you have been given by Jesus to someone else?

Life is hard. There are very high highs and very low lows. Are we being faithful through the trials? Are we dwelling on how we feel or what we know to be true? I think of one of my best friends who lost her 4-day-old baby girl a few months ago. It is one of the most tragic things I have ever had to see a close friend walk through. No words can adequately describe their pain as they grieve such a great loss. But you know what? God has been faithful. She has told me that there are days that they can barely put one foot in front of the other, but they keep reminding themselves of who God is. The pain is still there (and will always be there), but so will the love of God. Goodness and mercy will follow them all the days of her life. Their suffering has been such a testimony to everyone around them and they have used it to proclaim Jesus.

Is that what we are doing with our trials? I challenge all of us, myself included, to embrace where we are, give our cares to Him, and to seek out fellowship and encouragement from the Body of Christ. He has equipped us with everything we need to walk through this life and to remain faithful to the end.