I know I’ve said this before,
but when it comes my turn comes around to write on this blog, I try to stop and
reflect on the things the Lord is specifically teaching me in the surrounding
days and weeks. I think that’s probably the pattern of most (if not all) of the
contributors. When it’s my turn I
usually wait until the last minute to write it. I realize it’s coming, I’m
thankful for an opportunity to share, but I just keep putting it off. Oh I need
to throw that load of laundry in. I meant to order those pictures. I’m hungry.
Oops! I ran out of time. Gotta go meet so-and-so. And the excuses go on. At the
eleventh hour (or past it) I end up making myself sit down and I try to collect
all my thoughts together. Okay, Anna Leigh. Pick one thing God is teaching you.
What is it? Surely there’s something. Sometimes that thing is obvious.
Sometimes I’ve not been asking the Lord to open the eyes of my heart to see
what He wants me to see; sometimes I’ve not been asking Him to search my heart,
to see if there is any “wicked way in me”. Because of this sometimes I sit to
type, and I’m wracking my brain for words.
I’ve been in a similar
situation for the past few days. I’d get an idea of what to write about, and
then I’d forget. What was that idea I had? In all of this I’ve also been
studying for an upcoming exam; and guess what? I’ve been putting off studying.
I allowed myself to get distracted by things. Good things, not bad things, but
not things that made the best use of the time. In all of this, I was graciously
reminded of a struggle I have. A struggle that has been with me for pretty much
as long as I can remember. I especially noticed it in high school when the
papers and the homework and the projects seemed more demanding of my time and
my brain. I’d put it off. I’d study, but
I wouldn’t study hard or smart until the very last minute. You know, when your
test is the next day and you’re cramming all you can into your brain and after
a while everything looks the same.
If you have picked up on it
yet, I’ve struggled with laziness. It’s hard to admit, because, well…it’s such
an unsightly, sloppy sin. It’s humiliating when it catches up to you. It’s a
shot to my pride. I want to be viewed as smart, efficient, having everything in
order. Years after high school, I find
myself in a similar boat. I can find so many excuses to not study for my test
and do a million other things. This begins to trickle into other areas of my
life. My devotion time. The time when I’m scrolling through Instagram instead
of cleaning my house. Then I get frustrated when I want to do something fun
with friends and I complain, “I have so much to do! Sorry, I can’t spend time
with you.” Or I write a half thought through article because I wanted to search
for the perfect summer swimsuit and, oops! An hour went by. It’s hard for me to
write these words. I am ashamed at the fact that I struggle with this. I would
love to rather be writing an article about how I’ve grown so much in this area
and be able to share with you how I’m being more efficient. I’d love to tell
you that I finished my homework and already swabbed the toilets, so now I’m
free to serve my family and my church without the weight of guilt from the
things I should have done.
There have been a couple
times when I’ve been on facebook or instagram or shopping on the internet when
the verse, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for
him it is sin” would pop in my head, and you know what? At times I’d just keep
on scrolling. By God’s grace I’m repenting of this. No, it’s not a sin in and
of itself to spend leisure time on the internet, but when it is keeping you
from what you know you need to do, when you’re wasting time, that’s when it’s
wrong. The Proverbs are full of verses calling out to the sluggard to change
his ways. Proverbs 10:4 says, “Poor is he
who works with a negligent hand, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.”
Proverbs 6:6 adds, “Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise”.
Proverbs 18:9, “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who
destroys.” Then there’s Ephesians 5:15-16 that really speaks to my lazy habits;“Look
carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of
the time, because the days are evil.” We have been given a breath, a vapor, which
is our life. We are called to make the best use of the time. Why? Because
ultimately our time here is not ours. It’s a gift we’ve been given. It’s not
that we are to fill every waking moment with tasks and things to do, but we must
consider how we spend ALL of our
time. Are we constantly seeking after our own pleasures, or are we seeking
“first the Kingdom of God”? These are the questions my heart is considering. I
do see God’s gracious hand in growing me in this struggle, but I still see it’s
effects on my life and I long to make better use of the time he has given me.
In this I have to be careful not to become Martha, filling my days with much to
do and not making time to sit at the feet of the Savior. To hear his voice
through his Word.
At the end of the day the problem is not Netflix or Instagram or
Facebook (or whatever it is that robs our time), the issue is found in our
hearts, or desires, our passions. I’m committed to continue making steps to
root out this sin, but it will only be by the power of the Holy Spirit in my
life, by mediating on his truth as asking the Lord to open my eyes to the heart
issues, not just the manifestations of a deeper issue. I want him to “take my
moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.” I want my life to be
flowing in this worship, and this demands all of me in every moment.
Pressing On!
Anna Leigh
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