Here's My Heart.

These past few months have been crazy for me. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed. I’ve smiled. I’ve worried. I’ve sung. I’ve struggled. I’ve rejoiced. I’ve sifted through feelings and focused on truths. I’ve felt alone. I’ve felt surrounded. I’m embarking on a new adventure here. One I’m thrilled about, and one I’m scared about. I don’t know how to be a wife. I have all these ideals of what I want to be and it seems so big. I see faithful wives around me and I want to be like them. I want a love like 1 Corinthians 13. I want to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. I want that love to never fail.  I want to be a helper who is strong and steady for when my husband doesn’t feel strong. I want to be full of wisdom and grace. I have idolized what it is to be a wife at times. Having a statue of something glorious in my mind. It’s a worthy calling, it truly is. But it’s not worthy to be worshipped. (Wo)man’s chief end is not to glorify wifehood and enjoy it forever (for those of you who grew up learning the Westminster Shorter Catechism). We can worship anything for that matter….kids, school, singleness, work, church, family, friends. These things in and of themselves are not what we live for. They are all part of our lives and a part of who we are. In living out these callings there is an intermingling of unique gifts and abilities God has given us to serve in these areas, but they are not our “chief end”. In recently listening to a sermon preached by Brad Bigney (author of Gospel Treason) I heard repeated, “An idol is anyone or anything that begins to capture our hearts, minds, and affections more than God.” My heart. My mind. My affections. How utterly consuming! That’s all of me. Oh how easily I let these idols build in my heart. It seems as though my heart is filled with hundreds of little factory workers anxious to meet a deadline, so they are working as fast as they can, scurrying around in my heart. However in the end I have myself to blame. My passions, my desires. If I am not vigilant I will let desires and passions capture this heart of mine. It’s a daily struggle. A daily reminder of my need to preach the truths of Scripture to my heart, to be on my knees before the Lord, to say, “here’s my heart, Lord. Take and seal it.” I am comforted. I am comforted that “he who began the good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” I’m thankful he doesn’t leave me in pursuit of these idols, but he stops me and shows me my sin, and lavishes me with grace. So what is my chief end? “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” When I pursue my idol of an ideal wife, a daughter, a co-worker for my own good I am met with disappointment because I meet failure. When I pursue the Lord, I find joy because in him are deep waters of grace and strength.  It is in His grace and strength that I am able to be what he has called me to be. His perfection covers my imperfections. His grace is sufficient for me. His power made perfect in weakness. In pursuing him, in his presence, there is fullness of joy.

Knowing Him and Making Him Known

On Monday evening, many of us were surprised to hear about the death of Robin Williams. The Facebook posts, articles, tweets, etc, that followed likely stemmed many thoughts.

For me, I found myself saddened by the state of this world, convicted by my lack of diligence to share the truth, and reminded of the hope found in the Savior.

So often, we get caught up in our routines. Clock in, clock out. Church on Sunday. Bible study on Thursday. Clean the kitchen. Fold the clothes. And I think, when we're truly honest, our focus is so often not on glorifying the Lord, especially in the mundane routines of our daily lives.

Things hit home for me this week. On Monday, I was hit with the realization that people around me may be deeply struggling with anger, depression, and are often clinging tightly to the sin that continues to destroy them. In my pride, I grow frustrated with people and I fail to show grace. Some of these thoughts began whirling through my mind and I soon heard of Robin Williams' apparent suicide.

What is holding me back from sharing truth today?

It's as if I am surrounded by people drowning in the sea, and I'm in a boat filled with life preservers. Why am I not more diligent in sharing the truth that saves souls? Now, I'm not trying to say that God is not sovereign in these situations, because He surely is. We have a responsibility we often fail at, and He's sovereign even in our failures. But this is no excuse to not even try. We have a great responsibility.

I have heard many a comments this week... Some that have invoked a deep sadness inside of me for the lost souls around me. Just goes to show that money can't buy happiness. Yes, but you've still got it all wrong. Living for yourself can't buy that either. Not family, not friends, not "good works," not a house or a husband or kids or anything this world has to offer.

Can you imagine getting to the end of your life and the biggest thing people have to say about you is that you made people laugh? What about those empty words we hear uttered in regards to death in a non-believing community? He loved football, loved to make people laugh, he loved country music, and he loved his mamma's cheeseburgers. These are the things that people live for. There's nothing inherently sinful about sports or laughing or music or food... But these kinds of things are the things the world grows consumed with.

I've heard and read a lot of comments this week. Many of them seem to be filled with pieces of truth, yet they're missing the main point. Surrendering our hearts and our lives to Christ is truly the only way to find true hope and joy in this life. No, money can't buy happiness. That is evident all over our culture. Yes, Robin Williams made many people laugh. I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that I know the state of his soul, but I can say this... What value does any earthly achievement have at the end of a life? And this continues to hit home in my heart because I am surrounded (as many of you probably are) with people pursuing success and pursuing a great name in the eyes of the world (and these temptations are still there for believers, including myself). And I see them continuing to feel empty. And here I am, filled with hope, and often keeping it to myself. I often miss the opportunities in front of my face. I quickly fear man. But truly, what can man do to me? God is so kind to show us our hearts, to forgive us, to teach us, and to grow us.

Am I ready to give an answer when they ask about the hope that is within me? Do they see me living a life characterized by the fruits of the Spirit? Am I sharing these truths when given the opportunity, and praying for more opportunities? Am I caring for their souls? Is my greatest desire to know Christ and to see Christ formed in people?

Hope that lifts me from despair, love that casts out ev'ry fear, 
As I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word. 
Not forsaken, not alone, for the Comforter has come, 
And I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word. 
Grace sufficient, grace for me, 
Grace for all who will believe— 
We will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

- Getty and Townend

Our hope is found in the truths in His word. This is the hope that a dying world is searching for in everything but Christ and His word. Let us continually be examining our hearts, desiring to know Christ, and desiring to make Him known. That is what this life is about. Knowing Him and making Him known.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26 ESV)

Kindness

The Lord has been gracious to allow me to be a stay at home to my four little kiddos. I love my job and can't imagine doing anything else. My days are full of cooking, doing laundry, cleaning up messes, and teaching my children to be loving and kind. It seems that kindness is a never ending theme in our home. I have the privilege of training, rebuking, and correcting their little hearts and pointing them to Christ while showing them their need for the Gospel. So, we are always talking about how we are to be kind to one another. It always amazes me at how early our sin nature shows itself and how we are born to be naturally self absorbed and think only about what we want. Lately I have been more convicted at ways that I also do not show kindness. It is easy to see that when a child doesn't want to share a toy that he is not being kind, but what about all the ways I am unkind when I loose my patience or give a short response all because things are not going my way.

In Titus 2 we see that the older women are to teach the younger women to be kind. This quality is essential for us to commend the gospel in our homes and through our lives. Jerry Bridges says that kindness "is a sincere desire for the happiness of others. After observing my own life there are three sins that usually hinder this godly desire: anger, bitterness, and judging,

We are always talking about what's in our hearts with the children. Our expressions of anger reveal the sin that is in our heart. We so often want our own way and not God's, and when we can't have our own way we become angry. I realize this is not only something that my three old struggles with but I do too. So many times I want things done my way and when things don't seem to be going that way I get angry thus revealing what is in my heart. Matthew 5:18 says, "what comes out of the heart proceeds from the heart". Whether I want  a clean and orderly house or a few minutes of peace I am propelled to anger when I do not get my way. I must humble myself and submit to God and confess and repent of my sin. Only God can help us turn from anger and cultivate kindness in our hearts.

Hurt feelings are another thing that we talk about a lot in our home. When we are hurt by someone elses sin it can lead to bitterness towards that person if we are not careful. When we replay the offenders wrong in our lives and become withdrawn and fall into self-pity then chances are we have succumb to bitterness. We have to remember to forgive others in the same way Christ forgave you. As we look to Christ we will be able to grant forgiveness and kindness to others.

Lastly, we need to be careful to not judge others motives. Sometimes it is so easy to assume we know the reason behind why someone treated us the way that they did. We can be so inclined to look for the worst in others. Instead of looking for the faults in others we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us make loving judgments of others. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. We shouldn't ignore sin in others lives but we shouldn't assume they are sinning until there is solid evidence.

So as we seek to be kind to others remember it is the Lord who sees our efforts and whether or not it is noticed by others we do it to glorify Christ. I pray the the Lord would give me a heart that is kind to others and it is not prone to anger, bitterness, or judging others. Life is so much sweeter when we show kindness. I want my life to be marked by one of kindness and to set the example for my children.

What is a way that you can show kindness to someone else today?

Love,
Brooke