"Oh How I Need You"

My dear sisters,

I have spent the majority of the past two years in Louisville, Kentucky studying at Boyce College. To be honest, these have been the hardest, yet most joy-filled, years of my life. God has stretched me physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually in more ways than I think I could even remember to recount. God has been teaching me a lot, but one over-arching lesson (even this past semester) has been God showing me my ever present need for his grace and strength -- no mater how much I desire to be strong and self-reliant.

As I have undergone the various joys and trials of these years apart from you, I have held on to the promise that the same God who had already demonstrated his great grace toward me, through calling me to saving faith in Jesus Christ, would himself "restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish" me (1 Pet. 5:10).

James' exhortation to "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds," has echoed often in my heart (Jas. 1:2). However, it was the resulting maturity these trials produce that captivated me: "the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (Jas. 1:3-4).

What believer would not want to experience these marks of maturity in the Lord -- whatever the cost?

However, I had begun to make these marks of maturity an idol. If I am suffering, am I not entitled to grow, be strong, and lack nothing? I wanted to grow and mature, but my desire to be more like Jesus for God's glory was warping into a desire to be more like Jesus for my own glory.

To desire to grow into mature, Christ-likeness is a good and right desire. We are commanded to "leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity..." (Heb. 6:1-12). However, good desires can so easily become idols in our life that overshadow the desire for the Lord Himself.

You see, all of my circumstances had only made me realize anew how very needy and weak I am -- this was good, sweet, and true. God so graciously opens our eyes to see the reality of who we are -- we are weak and needy for a Savior, desperate and hopeless apart from his mercy and grace. But, humans don't like to feel weak and dependent. I prayed for God to grow and strengthen me. I wanted to grow, and maybe then I would not feel so needy and weak for once. Then I would be wise and better able to counsel and have just the right word to speak...

But God kept tugging at my heart and showing me over and over again that I would never outgrow my need for the Lord. Never would godly maturity result in a strength independent from Jesus, rather a growing dependence on Jesus.

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4-5

Apart from the Vine (Jesus), the branches do not receive the nutrients and strength to bear fruit. The branch is utterly dependent on the vine, and is only the conduit of the life-giving nutrients that produce fruit.

God has been showing me that my strength and confidence lie not in achieving some level of spiritual maturity or feeling more capable for the tasks before me. Rather, my confidence is in God through Jesus Christ. My sufficiency and ability to obey the Lord and faithfully do all that he has given me to do comes not from myself but from God by the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:4-6).

As Paul encourages the church at Corinth in his second letter, he highlights the extreme hardship and weakness he and his colleagues have endured for the sake of the gospel. He speaks in vivid pictures of "being given over to death for Jesus' sake," numerous beatings, ship wrecks, persecutions, and a "thorn in the flesh." In all of this he calls believers to not lose heart, as they feel their weakness clearly in the daunting opposition of the kingdom of the enemy. He writes, "but we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us" (2 Cor. 4:7). Yes, they were weak as clay pots, but they were entrusted with the gospel to show that the strength that bore them up , grew, and preserved them through various trials was not their own but God's.

If our very weakness is what magnifies the power of God, shouldn't we embrace our weakness so that God's power may be displayed all the more? Paul says that is exactly what we are to do.

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." 2 Corinthians 11:30

Like Paul, we may become frustrated with our weakness, hardships, and trials -- whatever they are. But, for  the sake of making much of Christ, we are to be content in those things that uncomfortably show our weakness: "For when I am weak, then I am strong." How could that possibly be so? Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So, boast in your weakness so that you may gain the power of Christ -- not for self-exultation but for Christ-exultation.

The joy of suffering is not that we need God less, but perhaps that we see our need for him more and experience more of his power to supply grace in the ever increasing weakness uncovered by the consuming fire. The daily pressures of this life serve to push us towards to one who is sufficient for our ever present need.

I will always be weak. I will always need Jesus to strengthen me and give me the grace to grow in Him. God keeps me in my weakness, because he desires that I continually abide in his power and his grace. 

It is only God who supplies the sufficient means for life and ministry. Wherever you are in life, in whatever season, confess your weakness and constant need of the Savior. If you have sought to find your confidence and strength in any other means apart from God, ask the Lord for his forgiving and transforming grace. He is faithful and just to forgive (Jn. 1:9), and in him lies all the grace and strength to abound in every good work (2 Cor. 9:8).

May the gospel grow sweeter as we see more clearly our weakness in light of the riches of Christ's grace and power, which are made more visible in weak yet willing vessels.

In Christ,

Michaela

These songs have been a helpful reminder of the sweetness of abiding in Jesus!

"Oh How I Need You" by All Sons and Daughters

"Lord I Need You" by Matt Maher