Control Freak

My name is Nicole and I am a control freak.

I didn't know that I was until recently. In fact I always considered myself pretty laid back. It never occurred to me that my life would look this different at this point in my life. I had my world surrounded by a nice white picket fence, what I didn't realize is that there was a sin lying dormant under the surface that was about to rear its ugly head. It was awakened with the realization that my world was not mine to shape.
God was working in my life and he was not going to allow this sin to remain unexposed. He was going to bring me to his feet in a very real and painful way. I look back at the past year and wish that it hadn't happened the way it did. I wish that I could have learned this lesson without experiencing the loss. But in another way I couldn't be more grateful. I am closer to God and I have been showered with more grace and peace than I ever thought possible. Those trials have brought me into further sanctification, and deepened my dependance on and love for Christ. I now stand stronger and give all the glory to him. The strength and hope that God gives is now very real in my life, where it wasn't before, I rely on it hourly to get me through the day. I now have a testimony that I can share with others that they might be encouraged and seeds of faith might be planted.
I can look back to this time last year when I was sitting on my bed staring at a positive pregnancy test, excitement and anticipation dancing inside me. I can sings songs of praise that God planted that seed of life inside me at the exact moment it needed to be. And on June 8th as I laid in my bed and wept after reading the text telling me that my grandmother had gone home to be with the Lord a short 10 days after learning that she had leukemia. I cried for the loss of her prescience in my life, knowing she never would get to hear my wonderful news. God was there however, with his mighty, sovereign, loving hand directing the events in my life. Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." My hope was my belief that this was for my good and God's glory. This truth was brought to my remembrance through the holy spirit, and I found unexpectedly that I could rejoice through the pain knowing this was from God's hand.
Trials are put in our paths to test us, to bring out sin and expose it to us. Trails bring us closer to God by means of prayer and sanctification. They are difficult to walk to walk through, impossible without Christ. They cause friction in our lives and are painful. But the eternal benefits are immeasurable and knowing that they come to us from God gives us strength and peace. Charles Spurgeon said; "It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity."
This trial served its purpose and brought to light a beast that I didn't know even existed; the desire to control things I could not and the paralyzing fear that followed knowing something else precious could be taken from me. Horrible scenes would play out in my head that I could not stop of car accidents, miscarrying my baby, and police shootings all taking someone from me that I held dear. They were random in occurrence, and although not completely debilitating, they had a crippling effect nonetheless. The sin was there and I was not dealing with it appropriately. The more I ignored it and tried to deal with the fear on my own the stronger it became. James 1:2-4 states; "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing." I realize now that I was not humbling myself and giving in to what God was working in my life. I was not "letting steadfastness have its full effect", meaning I was not letting endurance, perseverance, and the pursuing of God and his truths take hold in my heart. I thought that I knew who should stay and who should go, and when it would be best for those things to happen. But God in his infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy did not let me remain in my sin. He pressed harder, put on more pressure and made the flames hotter so that the dross would float to the surface. He was refining his child so that one day I will be pure and without blemish. As Job 23:10 states; "But he knows the way I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." He wants me to be as gold that shines and points others to the refiner and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). In 1 Peter 1:6-7 it says; "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." This verse tells us the reason for our trials; praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Christ. Trials are to reveal more and more of Christ to us, what a gift!!
I though the hard times were over and our family tried to settle into the new normal. I became complacent, never suspecting there was more to come. The second trial came without notice and was far more painful than the first. On October 6th 2014 I lost the man who had shaped my entire world for my entire life to date. It was a Monday and I will never forget standing in the ICU thinking all my dad had was pneomonia and then hearing the Dr tell us that he had become unresponsive and his heart had stopped beating. How do you live without someone who has always been there? There are no words, its a grief that brought me to my knees with the weight of it. But in that moment of unbearable grief God was never more real in my life.
Verses I had believed on faith and thought I had experienced became encouragements that got me through the intense moments of heartache. They became more real to me than ever before. Philippians 4:12-13 Paul tells us; "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned to secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." This verse is not about winning football games or FCA and YEC retreats. Its saying that I can carry on, honor God, still exhibit the fruits of the spirit, all the things HE ASKS OF ME because Christ is the one giving me the strength to do God's will. I stand amazed at my heavenly father, that he would lavish such gifts of grace and mercy on me. I had lost someone dear to me and yet I had this little life growing inside me. I was struck with the strength of God's grace like never before. I will never forget the first time I felt her move was at my dad's visitation. To me that is a perfect picture of Job 1:21 "and he said "naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
The beastly sin of my need to control things would not die easily though. I am ashamed to say it took hold of my thoughts. I was captive to the fear and panic it produced in me. On the outside I was strong and calm. I carried on with daily life, but on the inside I was a total disaster. I was not without hope, however, Christ was faithful to provide a way out of the temptation and way into peace of mind with him.
It has been 7 months since I lost my dad. And I am just now coming out if that controlling fear and panic. The grip it had on me was strong. I would end up on my knees weeping and shaking chanting scripture over and over again till it passed. I could blame it on hormones or postpartum symptoms, and I do struggle with those things. But the key to overcoming it is calling what it really is; sin. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 encourages us; "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body of death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." What a promise!! There is peace knowing that nothing comes to me except what passes through God's hands. My responsibility in that promise is to obey Ephesians 5:15-16 "Look carefully then how you walk, not as the unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil."
I still struggle with this issue of control over my circumstances and I ask for prayers and accountability in this area of my life. But the eternal treasures I have gained far outweigh this earthly pain. I will see my dad and grandmother again one day, but until then I rest on the unchanging grace and love of my heavenly father.

"Be Still My Soul"

Be still my soul; the Lord is on thy side

bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

leave to thy God to order and provide

in every change He faithful will remain

be still my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend

through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

Be still my soul, though dearest friends depart

and all is darkened in the vale of tears

then shalt thou better know His love, His heart

who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears

be still my soul, thy Jesus can repay

from His own fullness all He takes away. 

Put off ... Put on

Put Off ... Put On

{too be read like "wax on, wax off}

Colossians 3:8-10

⁸ But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. ⁹ Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, ¹⁰ and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him—

This passage is a very familiar passage to most.

I was going to write on something else, but through different conversations I’ve had with other women the past couple of months and through my own fight with my sin, this is a topic that has continually come up.

So many of us struggle with our sin, we try to fight it, we try and try to put it off to honor God, and yet we continually forget the other part, to put on righteousness. Not that we aren’t pursuing righteousness and obeying God, but in our struggle against a certain sin we can sometimes forget what needs to be put on as we put off that particular sin.

In Colossians 3, Paul is talking to believers saying, if you have been raised with Christ than we need to be setting our minds on things above (v. 2) and laying aside our sinful ways in which we all once walked (v. 5-7) and putting on the new self (v.12-15) letting the word of Christ richly dwell within you (v. 16)

We know this! This is 101 of being a believer. So why, when we are trying so hard to put off wicked thoughts, gossip, lying, anxious thoughts, fear, worry, selfishness, pride, lustful thoughts, do we forget that we are to actively be putting something on?

How does a liar stop lying? By not lying? No, by actively going out and telling the truth. How do you stop being proud? By just not thinking highly of yourself? No, by going out and pursuing others humbly in love.

Most all of these sins start in our mind. 

We can’t just stop being anxious, lustful, proud with our thoughts. We have to be replacing those thoughts with something else and then acting out those things.

Matthew 6:21 “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” The greek word for “heart” is kardia, meaning intention, mind, character, your will.

“Focusing on earthly treasures produces earthly affection”-John MacArthur

Whatever your focus is on will be what your mind thinks, and that is how you start to act and respond. It becomes your character and your will on this earth.

So we need to start by realigning our thoughts. Like Colossians 3:16 says “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you”

Some ways to help your to not only put off but also to put on.

1.     Pray. Ask God to help you.  And sometimes we {I!} can become selfish in our prayers, just praying for our struggles and ourselves. Pray with thanksgiving to God, praise Him for who He is and what He has done.  And then pray for others and their struggles.

2.     Fill your mind with right things. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” All these things are found in God’s Word. 

Read your bible, meditate, memorize these things daily.

3.     Practice. When you fill your mind with godly things it will lead to practical living.  John MacArthur wrote “God’s Word cultivates the godly attitudes, thoughts, and actions that will keep trials and temptations from overwhelming us”

Martha Peace does an excellent job in her books of giving charts of sinful thinking, what scripture says about it, and what right thinking looks like. I encourage you to read her books.

Damsels in Distress

Attitudes of a Transformed Heart

Becoming a Titus 2 Woman

Faithfulness

I've been thinking about the word "faithful" a lot lately. Faithful... steady in allegiance or affection. Loyal. Constant. True to one's word. Strict or thorough in the performance of duty. Reliable. Trusted (thank you, dictionary.com).

I've been thinking about the faithfulness of the Lord, and I've been thinking about the call we have as believers to be faithful.

This time of year has made me pretty nostalgic. Sappy graduation photos pop up all over social media and I can't help but think about how much has changed in the few short years since I was at that point. I think in the Christian life, there is a good kind of looking back... The kind where you look back and see how faithful the Lord has been. And a lot of events over the last month or two have stirred up that kind of looking back. I look back at journal entries from a few years ago, I remember the things I so badly wanted, the plans I made for myself with certainty that they would happen. I look back and am filled with thankfulness - that the Lord knows me better than I know myself, that He knows my needs, that He withholds no good thing from His children.

I hold so tightly to my own plans sometimes. I think I know what is best for me, what will grow me, what will make me happy. I love to look back and see how the Lord guided me through many difficult decisions. At times the Lord withheld from me what I so badly wanted, and looking back I see just the tiniest glimpse of how good He was in doing so. I don't have a lot of life to look back on quite yet, but I am thankful for these few years as a believer that the Lord has so clearly demonstrated His faithfulness.

"God has been faithful, He will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end." - Sara Groves

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds." - Psalm 36:5

And while we're on the subject, I'm reminded also about our call to faithfulness as believers. As we remember how faithful the Lord has been, it should motivate us all the more to be faithful each and every day. To be faithful in the little moments that require steadfastness, grace, and faith. I'm seeing how important it is to dwell on what is true. It doesn't really matter what is going on around me, if I am skipping out on my time in the Word and prayer, I won't respond well. I won't dwell on what is true. I'm encouraged in realizing that we aren't instantly zapped into perfect children of God at our moment of salvation. If He has started a good work in our hearts, He will carry it to completion. But probably not right this moment, or the next, or the one after that. That work will not be complete until we leave this world.
When I look at the lives of older people I admire, I wonder how they get to where they are, and I have been reminded lately of one thing... It's about being faithful. We grow in the nitty gritty of daily life. He disciplines us because He loves us. He allows life to happen because He wants us to be more like Christ. This has drastically changed my way of thinking. We should rejoice in the trials because we know what is true. We must keep on being faithful with what He has set before us, and He will give us grace to do so. Today, tomorrow, next week, next year, and for the rest of our lives on this earth. Remember His faithfulness, ladies, and let the truths in His word motivate you all the more to be faithful with what is set before you.

Lessons from the Ant

     I know I’ve said this before, but when it comes my turn comes around to write on this blog, I try to stop and reflect on the things the Lord is specifically teaching me in the surrounding days and weeks. I think that’s probably the pattern of most (if not all) of the contributors.  When it’s my turn I usually wait until the last minute to write it. I realize it’s coming, I’m thankful for an opportunity to share, but I just keep putting it off. Oh I need to throw that load of laundry in. I meant to order those pictures. I’m hungry. Oops! I ran out of time. Gotta go meet so-and-so. And the excuses go on. At the eleventh hour (or past it) I end up making myself sit down and I try to collect all my thoughts together. Okay, Anna Leigh. Pick one thing God is teaching you. What is it? Surely there’s something. Sometimes that thing is obvious. Sometimes I’ve not been asking the Lord to open the eyes of my heart to see what He wants me to see; sometimes I’ve not been asking Him to search my heart, to see if there is any “wicked way in me”. Because of this sometimes I sit to type, and I’m wracking my brain for words.

     I’ve been in a similar situation for the past few days. I’d get an idea of what to write about, and then I’d forget. What was that idea I had? In all of this I’ve also been studying for an upcoming exam; and guess what? I’ve been putting off studying. I allowed myself to get distracted by things. Good things, not bad things, but not things that made the best use of the time. In all of this, I was graciously reminded of a struggle I have. A struggle that has been with me for pretty much as long as I can remember. I especially noticed it in high school when the papers and the homework and the projects seemed more demanding of my time and my brain.  I’d put it off. I’d study, but I wouldn’t study hard or smart until the very last minute. You know, when your test is the next day and you’re cramming all you can into your brain and after a while everything looks the same.

If you have picked up on it yet, I’ve struggled with laziness. It’s hard to admit, because, well…it’s such an unsightly, sloppy sin. It’s humiliating when it catches up to you. It’s a shot to my pride. I want to be viewed as smart, efficient, having everything in order.  Years after high school, I find myself in a similar boat. I can find so many excuses to not study for my test and do a million other things. This begins to trickle into other areas of my life. My devotion time. The time when I’m scrolling through Instagram instead of cleaning my house. Then I get frustrated when I want to do something fun with friends and I complain, “I have so much to do! Sorry, I can’t spend time with you.” Or I write a half thought through article because I wanted to search for the perfect summer swimsuit and, oops! An hour went by. It’s hard for me to write these words. I am ashamed at the fact that I struggle with this. I would love to rather be writing an article about how I’ve grown so much in this area and be able to share with you how I’m being more efficient. I’d love to tell you that I finished my homework and already swabbed the toilets, so now I’m free to serve my family and my church without the weight of guilt from the things I should have done.

     There have been a couple times when I’ve been on facebook or instagram or shopping on the internet when the verse, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” would pop in my head, and you know what? At times I’d just keep on scrolling. By God’s grace I’m repenting of this. No, it’s not a sin in and of itself to spend leisure time on the internet, but when it is keeping you from what you know you need to do, when you’re wasting time, that’s when it’s wrong. The Proverbs are full of verses calling out to the sluggard to change his ways.  Proverbs 10:4 says, “Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.” Proverbs 6:6 adds, “Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise”. Proverbs 18:9, “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” Then there’s Ephesians 5:15-16 that really speaks to my lazy habits;“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” We have been given a breath, a vapor, which is our life. We are called to make the best use of the time. Why? Because ultimately our time here is not ours. It’s a gift we’ve been given. It’s not that we are to fill every waking moment with tasks and things to do, but we must consider how we spend ALL of our time. Are we constantly seeking after our own pleasures, or are we seeking “first the Kingdom of God”? These are the questions my heart is considering. I do see God’s gracious hand in growing me in this struggle, but I still see it’s effects on my life and I long to make better use of the time he has given me. In this I have to be careful not to become Martha, filling my days with much to do and not making time to sit at the feet of the Savior. To hear his voice through his Word.

     At the end of the day the problem is not Netflix or Instagram or Facebook (or whatever it is that robs our time), the issue is found in our hearts, or desires, our passions. I’m committed to continue making steps to root out this sin, but it will only be by the power of the Holy Spirit in my life, by mediating on his truth as asking the Lord to open my eyes to the heart issues, not just the manifestations of a deeper issue. I want him to “take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.” I want my life to be flowing in this worship, and this demands all of me in every moment.

Pressing On!

Anna Leigh

My All in All

It is very easy to go through life looking to and waiting for the next milestone or stage that awaits us...graduation, career, relationship, marriage, children, etc. For myself, I have discovered that there are two major problems with this.  First, it robs me of present joy.  When I was single, people would often tell me how sorry they were that I hadn't found someone yet.  I knew what they meant.  These were people who were married and were enjoying the amazing gift of marriage, and therefore wished me the same happiness.  However, without meaning to, the idea being conveyed to me was often that I was missing out. . . that until I was married, my life was less satisfying or incomplete.  Of course, this is far from true.  God doesn't make cookie cutter people and He doesn't have cookie cutter plans for us either.  So, anytime we look at someone else and compare ourselves with them - what they have, where they are, what they have accomplished - we rob ourselves of the present joy that God has given.  His perfect plans for each of us are unique and wonderful.  And often those plans mean that the milestones we are looking to and waiting for with great expectation may be delayed (according to our timetables) or may not be His best for us at all.  This doesn't mean we are missing out.  I can be satisfied and complete in the Giver of all good things.  While our greatest joy does await us in eternity, we can still find present and full joy where God has placed us now.  

The second problem I find with being so fixed on the milestones of this life is that they become our expectation.  Every major stage or life marker that I have come to thus far have one thing in common: they have never lived up to my high expectations of what they would be like and how they would make me feel.  I remember being in high school thinking of how I could not wait for senior year, and although I had a great senior year of high school, it certainly did not live up to the hype I had created in my mind.  The same could be said for college, starting my career, moving out on my own, and even getting married.  Let me be clear, marriage is wonderful. I love my husband and know that I am immensely blessed to have him in my life.  But marriage is far more sanctifying and stretching than I had anticipated.  You see, in our expectations, we rarely if ever think or speculate on the way we will be tried or our real, true, fleshly self will be exposed.  We tend to only dwell on the lighter, happier, or what we may term as "fulfilling" things that await us in that phase.  This is why soon after attaining the object of our exception, we move on to the next thing that we feel awaits us and will fulfill us.  The Psalms are an ever present call to us to make only one thing, one Person our expectation.  

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him."

Psalm 39:2 "With expectation I have waited for the Lord, and he was attentive to me."

There are plenty of other admonitions throughout Scripture that point us to Christ being the only one to fulfill all our needs, all our longings, all our desires.  No other person or thing can do that.  

Wherever you are right now, let me encourage you to be grateful - joyfully grateful for where you are.    If you are in Christ, you lack nothing.  And if and when God chooses to bring that next milestone that you are looking forward to, find all your satisfaction and joy in Him, the Giver of all good things.  (James 1:17)

Clinging to the Promises of God

Recently I have been studying the book of Ruth. It is a beautiful story of God's providential care of His people and His willingness to accept Gentiles who seek Him. Throughout the book we see God's sovereignty, loving care, and faithfulness displayed. One of the things that I loved while studying the book was seeing God's character and remembering that God is the same today as He was in the days of Ruth...he never changes. 

There was a time in the book where Naomi was focussed on her past instead of the future God was unfolding for her. I know that can be true for me many times as well. It is easy to sometimes dwell on what has been instead of looking to where God is taking me and seeing trusting Him. Here are some verses that should have brought Naomi comfort as they were truths that she had been taught from childhood.

Exodus 15:2-3 "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God , and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is his name." 

Exodus 15:11-13 "Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders? You stretched out your right hand; the earth swallowed them. You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode."

I'm so thankful that we have God's completed Word to help us when we face trials of various kinds in our lives. Here are some passages that can help us to think rightly about the trials we face.

Job 2:10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”In all this Job did not sin with his lips. 

Psa. 119:67 "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word."

Psa. 119:71 "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes."

Psa. 119:75 "I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. "

Psa. 138:6 "For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar."

Psa. 138:7 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me."

Psa. 138:8 "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."

Lam. 3:19-33 Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust—there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults. For the Lord will not
cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men. 

Phil. 3:13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

Phil. 3:14 "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Phil. 4:8  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

Phil. 4:9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

We all have either just come out of a trial, are in one, or soon will be. This is why it is crucial for us to turn to God's Word for our answers and to cling to His promises! It brings my heart comfort and peace to know that we have a God who loves and cares for us and is working everything together for our good and His glory. I hope and pray that these verses would be a comfort to you as well. Remember that just like in the story of Ruth God is faithful even when we have been unfaithful and He alone is worthy of our trust and praise! Turn to Him because He cares for you!!

Broccoli, Chocolate, Discipline...and Me.

Twenty-something years ago a chubby-cheeked little Stephie and her sandy-haired big brother sit and recite to their mom,

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Heb. 12:11

Sitting around our oak dining room table with the backdrop of our California sunshine, my little girl self exists, unsuspecting and under appreciating that Mom feeds us words to nourish our souls. Unfortunately, those words taste like broccoli and not like chocolate.

Throughout my childhood I completely identify with the "sorrowful" part of that verse. The spankings that sprinkle my days in gravely interesting ways cause much of that sorrow. "Stephie, don't procrastinate, first time obedience!" "Calm down and control yourself," and "Don't instigate your brother!" echo often through our home. The discipline comes calmly and lovingly, but as my rear stings with the healthy smacks of my parent's paddle, I feel sorrow. Discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful, but terribly, terribly sorrowful. It looms as the broccoli of life.

Fast forward to my second year of marriage with Clay. Driving in the car with blinks of sunlight and shade floating on our windshield, we talk about our relationship and the practices we see help our marriage. Clay compliments me on something...one of those disciplines so diligently instilled years ago...and I have to say, "You need to thank my mom for that! She did such a great job of teaching me!" In that moment, with the swell of happiness from the praise of my husband, discipline seems very, very sweet indeed. The peaceful fruit of righteousness tastes better than the finest of chocolates. Who would have thought?

These peeks into times both distant and near encourage me again. I still often associate discipline with the wholesome and stodgy taste of broccoli. I still focus on the moment, procrastinating in what I know I ought to do, and sometimes, I still cherish the delight of instigating my brother - lovingly now, of course. But as I am gently reminded by those dearest to me, I still desperately need discipline. I need to practice the disciplines of godliness: cherishing the gospel, diligence in the Word, and living sacrificially, among others. As Barbara Hughes puts it in her book Disciplines of a Godly Woman, 

"The discipline of the gospel is coming to God on His terms."

 So often I fail, morningly, daily, and nightly, but I know what I want - I desire the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Fruit tastes sweet, and fruit coming from a life yielded to God's terms tastes tantalizing. Don't give up because the training seems hard. Don't quit because you have failed to discipline yourself for the sake of righteousness (I fail again and again). We may have the peaceful fruit of righteousness for dessert, our heavenly Father tells us, but first we must discipline ourselves and eat our broccoli. First comes sorrow, but then...what joy awaits!